


Critical

by AMNarry



Series: Grave Digger [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Criminals, Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Letters, M/M, Organized Crime, University Student Niall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-22 18:49:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 31,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14314923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AMNarry/pseuds/AMNarry
Summary: Dear Mr. Styles,...





	1. Letter 01

Dear Mr. Styles, 

 

My name is, well, let's just call me N for now. I'm currently in schoool and have been assigned a research paper over criminals. You were the first person that I thought of when we were given the topic. I have studied so many articles, watched countless interviews done by police and court trials, even tried to piece together consistent details of rumors trying to find the truth behind it all. I'm sorry if I come off as overeager or too forward, but its just nagging me. I don't need to tell you how notorious you are as a criminal; A gang leader if that's what you prefer I call you. I've learned that in this world, those with power don't need to be told they have it or reassured, they just know. It's those of us with no power that need to be reassured. So all "compliments" and facts you already know about yourself aside, what is it that made you so powerful? What made you want to become what you are? What you were? What goes on inside a mind like yours? Are you consumed with your power? Did you get so arrogant that you let your guard down enough for a slip up? How does someone so young find themselves doing what you do? Or did? I have so many questions and hopefully you will answer them. Again, I'm sorry if it's too much but you've always kind of fascinated me. I've always wanted to write to you to, but I was a little scared. Still am if I'm honest, one of the reasons I won't give my name just yet. It's a long shot if you'll even answer, but I hope you do. That being said, I'm not a fan of the things you're known for but it's your mind that I'm curious about. I look forward to hopefully hearing from you.

Sincerely, N. 


	2. Letter 2

Dear Mr. N,

You're right, writing to me is dangerous, even if I don't know your name. I would suggest picking someone else, preferably someone dead if your safety is something you hold dear. It's probably best that way. I'm sorry I can't really answer your questions, considering the fact that I'm still awaiting trial and therefore anything disclosed can be used against me. There are many things that people don't know, secrets I will take to my grave.

I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help, but I do suggest you pick someone else.

Conversing with a dangerous criminal isn't the wisest decision you can make.

Goodbye,

H.S


	3. Letter 3

Dear Mr. Styles,

 

With all due respect, I understand where you are coming from. My intentions aren't to tell all of your secrets. In my paper, I'm not going to write specific facts about you, though it might lower my grade. Only come to conclusions on what I've discovered about you. No one would believe me even if I told them that I wrote to you and you responded. There's no need for anyone but myself to read the letters.  My desire for safety is out weighed by my need to know the truth. I don't doubt my life is in danger, but as a future journalist, being in constant danger is an inevitability. I still refuse to give a name, but I'm sure if you dug hard enough it wouldn't be hard to find. One way or another I want to find out the truth. I don't think I could pick someone else even if I was forced. I would still ask these questions, granted they wouldn't go in my research paper, but it's overwhelming feeling wanting to know. Curiosity may have killed  he cat but at least it knew the truth before it died. I would really like to get the information from you rather than anyone else. If you won't answer questions then there is always someone willing to gossip. Wouldn't you rather be the one to answer and have the facts straight rather than someone close to you divulge that information? You intrigue me, I can't just drop this. You will find out that I'm a rather persistent lad. I hope you will reconsider telling me your story. I hope to hear from you soon. 

 

Sincerely,

 

N.


	4. Letter 4

Dear Mr. N,

 

Have you never heard of the saying ignorance is bliss? Curiosity did kill the cat, and I assume you're young based solely off your hunger for knowledge, so you wouldn't want to die young now would you? You seem intelligent, so why then would you waste your time learning the life of a criminal lest you want to follow in my footsteps. If so, then I regret to inform you that it doesn't lead to where you may think it does, and I highly recommend you stay away from that path.

 

As for my life, as I said before, I still await a trial and wouldn't want to be the one to put me in jail for longer. You seem like a good kid, so I suppose if you are so uncaring about your safety when it comes to information then I suppose I could indulge you in some. Be warned though, it might not be as you thought it would be, and the phrase 'ignorance is bliss' may be one you should remember. 

 

Not all stories are meant to be told, not all secrets meant to be shared.

 

You're poking a sleeping bear here, N, just be prepared for when it wakes up.

 

I'll hear from you soon I'm sure,

 

H.S


	5. Letter 05

Dear Mr. Styles,

 

I would say young is a relative term. I will also say, if public records are right we are the same age. I am actually a few months older than you. I have definitely heard the saying, I find the saying to be a half truth. In some cases ignorance is bliss, in others it can be freeing. One thing I can assure you, in no way am I looking to follow in your footsteps. Looking into a mind of a criminal is the only thing I'm seeking to do. 

Now, I would like to put a little of my psychology studies to the test here. Please just humor me, as long as you're indulging me, yeah? You can let me know if my classes are utter bullshit that I shouldn't waste my time on anymore or not. Did you grow up with "daddy issues"? Or were you a spoilt rich boy looking to break away from the pressure of following in the footsteps of your family's company? Am I close? On a more serious note, I'll probably reiterate the questions I sent you before. 

I have to applaud you for the people that you surround yourself with. They are definitely loyal to you. When a good looking bloke comes to your flat smiling all sweet asking to use your phone cause his is dead. You should probably question it but I didn't. I see what you mean by the dangers, as soon as my door was closed he completely changed. Louis Tomlinson is one scary lad. If looks could kill, I would be dead a hundred times over. He's a beautiful person, but looks can be deceiving. I'm pretty sure if you could make sarcasm an official language, he would be the creator of that language. I got my fair warning to stay out of business that wasn't mine to pry into. I didn't even know he existed, you guys are really thorough with keeping your whereabouts and people secret. I really don't know how he came to know my name or where I live, but I will probably end up putting a few extra locks on my doors and windows. It may not actually protect me, but it would make me feel a bit better. Probably should make that a weekend project. 

I also assume that you now know my name. Just in case I'll keep that to myself. If you do know it, please address me with it in your next letter. Maybe I don't need to know all your secrets, I can respect that. I just want to know more. I'm sure I'll see your sexy right hand man again. On a totally unrelated note, I now have a new respect for people who carry guns for safety. 

So onto the questions, please tell me about yourself. The way you grew up? The way you came into power? All that stuff that I've already mentioned. Also, are you the most feared in prison? Are you in your own cell or do you share? 

I realize I'm poking a bear, hopefully my stick is long enough that I can get a head start if needed.

 

Hope to hear from you soon,

 

N.


	6. Letter 6

Dear Niall James Horan,

Your name is cute, and apparently so are you if I'm informed correctly. Public records do happen to be correct when it comes to the topic of my age, I am indeed 24 years old. You truly would make a wonderful journalist with an outlook like that, not many see it that way. Certain information can be freeing yes, like 'I'm innocent' would be freeing for me. Then again, it may or may not be true. You never know about truth nowadays. You really should pay better attention in class, really. My reason is neither of those options, in fact you're very far off. You'd be a wonderful journalist, most don't have very many facts to base their stories on anyways.

I surround myself with only the best, and there are very good reasons for me doing so. You best take his advice Niall, once you've reached a certain point there is no going back. You can never erase your knowledge, and it could lead to dire circumstances worse than prison. He is quite the actor isn't he? I'd be best if you kept that new information to yourself though, I would hate to have you disappear because of an attractive stranger. Wouldn't you? I'm sure you have higher aspirations than to disappear because you blurted out a name, or maybe I misjudged you and you really are that stupid. Only one way to tell. I work hard for what I have, and I will do anything and everything to keep it that way. Don't think that you could jeopardize all my hard work and I wouldn't find a way to get back at you just because I'm behind a set of metal bars. You have no idea what I'm capable of Niall Horan, and for all you know it could all be a bluff. I wouldn't suggest testing it though.

On a lighter note, locks won't do much, but maybe they will ease your obviously frazzled state of mind. We're professionals at what we do, don't doubt that.

There's no doubt that he's sexy, but I wouldn't go around and repeat that. His boyfriend may not enjoy that very much. Just a friendly warning to the very persistent fake blonde that insists on knowing my personal life and dirty secrets.

Guns can do a lot, not all good but not all bad either.

As for your questions, I came into power because through hard work, just like everyone else reaches 'success'. My childhood is unimportant, my mind is filled with thoughts like most, I am not 'consumed with power' and the reason I am here in prison is not due to arrogance or a slip of my guard.

Prison is a funny thing, rank on the outside doesn't matter much. I do share a cell with a bloke, but soon I'll be moved to my very own one. I'm very 'dangerous' too dangerous to share with someone else as I'm told.

You can't outrun a bear Niall Horan. Bears run 50 feet a second. That's double as fast as a normal human can run, just be prepared for that.

Be careful with your choice of hobbies Niall, your curiosity may get you killed.

I'll hear from you soon.

H.S.


	7. Letter 7

Dear Mr. Styles,

 

Let's just forget about the damn bear! I understand, let's just say you've warned me all you could and I'm too stupid to get the message. I understand your warnings and your concern for your privacy and maybe even my safety but I'm already way too invested in this to give up now. I walk on the wild side, I laugh in the face of danger (muhahahahaha) <that was my evil laugh. Yes, I just quoted The Lion King, you already think I'm beyond mad anyway. Might as well play it up a bit.

You already know my name so there's no turning back. How can a name be cute? Harry Edward Styles, you literally sound like an old man. In regards to your innocence or guilt, what exactly is it that you have been caught and put on trial for? Are you really innocent? All I'm seeking is the truth, and I get what you're saying about it. Truth is a tricky thing, more than it should be. We tend to bend it into our own version of truth until it conforms to our own benefits. Truth is always the way someone perceives it. There are solid truths, the grass is green. The sky is blue. If you freeze water it becomes ice. So on and so on. Then there are those that only hear one part of a story and believe it to be true because they didn't know there was another part to it. Beyond that, people will believe what they want to believe is truth to justify an action or to feel better about a decision they make. What I want is solid truth. I'm not interested in other people's opinions or takes on the way you do things. I wouldn't see any reason for you to lie to me. I know you're still awaiting a trial, but this isn't what this story is about. I'm not dumb enough to let something this important to slip out.

I know how to keep my mouth shut. Either way, you would have me "disappear". And hey, if that happened at least I wouldn't have to pay my student loans back. I know you don't find this a laughing matter, but life is too short anyway, gotta make it thru either laughing or crying. Think I'll stick with the first option. Now, about this boyfriend of Louis', it wouldn't happen to be you, would it? And thank you, I like to think of myself as at least a little attractive, at least not ugly. From what I've seen of the very scarce collection of pictures we have of you, you're not too bad yourself, godlike even.... Please don't tell Louis I said that. He'd chop me nuts off and hand them to you on a silver platter. And I happen to like my hair, thank you very much. I just dyed it actually. It's no longer blonde, so there, cue the ‘oh so mature’ sticking out of my tongue.

My mind is not "frazzled". It's well put together, it just happens to be overly curious. I don't doubt that you worked hard to get where you are and what you have, but what exactly is it that you have? Power is one of them. Money? Influence, surely. Are you working with any government officials under the radar? How much power is it that you have? How much influence do you have over these government officials? I'm not as daft as you think, I know the endless capabilities you possess that could have me "swimming with the fishes". I've watched too many American mobster movies.

How many people are there like Louis that you keep close to you? Is it a hierarchy type business? Obviously you're at the top, but does it trickle down or is it just you making all the decisions with some people to help make plans happen? I have to admit that a friend of mine came over, saw me taking notes about what to write you. Didn't see any of your letters, don't worry, those are kept locked up and hidden. But he told me the same thing basically that you have. That I'm stupid for writing you and that I'll probably get myself killed. Had an argument about it, but like I said, I'm not done.

Onto your childhood, saying it isn't important is kind of... Stupid. Forgive my boldness. But honestly. Childhood shapes us, whether or not it's in a good or bad way. Decisions we make are based off of things we know from our past, trying to predict the outcome of the future. Your childhood is essential to what you've become. I'm so very interested in hearing about it. Just a curious question, let's say someone technically wanted to visit you. Would they be allowed or? That's going to be labeled as an awful decision and I'll be advised from it, but just had to ask. So as far as the psychology class goes, it's a load of rubbish and I should get my money back. Because that's what I'm hearing, especially since I DO pay attention in class. You

Have a bad habit of insulting my intelligence. Honestly, your letters are not what I expected. You're much more.... Charismatic than I thought you'd be. That was my mistake though, you don't get to where you are without being some type of intellectual. Again, looks can be deceiving. In other words, you're more than just a pretty face.

 

Hope to hear from you soon,

 

Niall x


	8. Letter 08

Dear Niall,

If we are to continue this letter business, and if you are dead set on doing what you're doing, you might as well call me by my first name. Technically, Mr. Styles is my father, and I'd really not like to be mistaken for him. I am my own person, and I'd like to feel as such.

On to a less serious topic, I have to admit you are highly amusing. I can honestly say that you are intriguing, someone I would quite like to pick at. The bear is now forgotten, as long as you remember my warnings and try to stray from topics that will ultimately lead to your death, then I would be more than happy to supply you with answers.

You, Niall Horan, are an adorable human being. I have heard of no one else that would quote a Disney movie while trying to convince a highly known criminal that they are not afraid of what is to come. A name, just like a person, can be cute. When I hear your name I do not shake in my hideous orange jumpsuit, nor do hide in a closet, rather I coo. A name is cute, your name is cute. For your information, I do not sound like an old man, and neither does my name. I like to think it rings with power, that people cower when they hear it, but it could be me being dramatic. After all, as Shakespeare said, 'What is in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.'

As for my 'innocence' I just said the phrase would be freeing, I never said if it was true or not. Not all information is true. You know how they say they caught Al Capone because of a speeding ticket? Well, I'm here for something similar, although it wasn't really me. I was driving a car that belonged to a mate of mine, and the police decided I stole it because my name wasn't on the registration. Can't say it was smart of me to be speeding in a car that technically wasn't mine, but if you knew the story then maybe you wouldn't think it so stupid after all. Besides, when my day in court comes I'm sure to be ruled innocent as my mate will contest I had permission to drive his car, and pay off the speeding ticket and bam, I'm a free man once again. There is no proof for any other allegations, unless I disclose them here and word gets out.

People believe everything they're told, whether it is fact or not. I may or may not have done what people claim I have, I may or may not have met people that claim I've done business with them or threatened them. But that's beside the point, because even if I haven't done something, everyone will believe as their told. No one trusts a criminal.

My warnings are not to insinuate you aren't intelligent, nor are they me telling you that you can't keep your mouth shut. Rather, it's me warning you that people do like the information I may give you, just like you they want it and crave it for very different reasons. I'm sure you're aware that I do have enemies, most that don't particularly care for the law. People that are persistent and dangerous and don't care for your well-being. At this point I don't worry about what you will tell, but rather what they would do to you for you to spill all you know. Knowledge is a powerful thing, but also dangerous.  _That_  is what I warn you of. People do horrific things to get what they want. I'm not the only magician that can make you disappear, and the people I deal with would want you begging to disappear when faced with what they do best. Heed my warnings with this, people are not always as they appear. Take Louis for instance, he had you fooled the second you saw his smile.

You're very observant Niall Horan. You shouldn't take that compliment lightly, as I don't hand those out too often. You're very funny Niall, I do think highly of Louis, and I care for him greatly (but don't tell him that, he'll get a big head) but no, I am not his boyfriend. His boyfriend just so happens to be outside in the real world, and double as terrifying as Louis is, but damn can he pull of the injured puppy look when he needs to. Were you jealous, Niall Horan? Jealous of him or jealous of me? I think I'm allowed to ask for answers too, it's only fair isn't it? But, your assumption of what Louis would do is quite correct, so I'll keep the information that you think I'm 'god-like' to myself for the time being.

I never claimed to dislike your hair, I just stated a fact that it was dyed. Was it not? If it's no longer blonde, what color is it? Will you let me see or should I just send someone to find out?

As I recall, I did say 'frazzled state of mind' and if I remember correctly you were a bit frazzled. I can't say I blame you though, Louis has that kind of effect on people. Although I am well aware of your undying curiosity, make no mistake on that. I have no doubt you have a 'well put together' mind, from what I can make out your intelligence is undoubtable, and I in no way mean to imply its anything less nor do I try to say you're stupid. My apologies if I happen to make you think so.

I have many things Niall Horan, not all corrupt or greedy. I have mates I hold close to me, mates I can count on no matter what. That is one thing I have, one thing I have done right in my life. Just because at the moment I reside in a prison does not make me less of a man or a human being, it does not make me a corruption, and it does not make me evil. I do however have power yes, and I'm sure you know a lot about my father- and my - business, most do, so yes money is on that list. Enough money to bail me out of here at any point in time. I have the support of my family, and the love many crave to have. I have people that have stayed with me through everything, and mates that have been with me since before I knew how to walk. I have many things, Niall Horan, not all evil and corrupt and bad.

You should probably stay away from American mobster movies, they are after all completely fake and over dramatized. Besides, I'm no mobster, I have too many tattoos for that title.

I can tell you I have people I trust, and people I've never met. Hierarchy is the best way to go really, but people close to you to help with decisions is something that goes on too.

As for your friend, I recommend you give him the same warning I have given you. He may know nothing but just knowing that you speak to me through letters could get him and you in a lot of trouble. Be careful Niall. Whether that be with someone who upholds the law or someone would couldn't care less about it. He does have a point, but I see that at this point you already know it.

In a way it does, but my childhood doesn't concern who I am now. My childhood didn't shape me, the choices I made does not define me. People make mistakes and they learn or they don't, but the past does not define our futures. I could have been a spoilt brat, or a child beaten by his father on a daily basis. I could be someone that aspired to be something better than this, or I could have had no goals. None of it matters, because I made my own way, my own road and path to follow. It had nothing to do with how well I got on with my family, how many friends I had, how I grew up. But, if you insist, I suppose I could indulge you in some information from my childhood.

I grew up in the house that my parents still live in, with my sister and a cat. Louis was one of those kids that was always a little mischievous and joking, and I have known him since before either of us could walk. He was older than me, by about a year, and I saw him as an older brother for the longest time. My father worked hard to get what he had, it was a family business and I knew from when I could first start reading and writing that no matter what path I took in life, I would be thrown into his business. There was no escaping that for me. My sister was the same, she had been practically raised in the business, as I had I, but she wouldn't be the one to take it over from my father. I would. My mother was always home, and my father always had friends over, cigars and alcohol were always smells that would constantly be lingering in the house, along with my father's cologne, my mother's perfume, and the smell of lilacs. Saturday mornings were my favorite. My dad would always be home, my mother would always make a huge extravagant meal, and we would all sit and eat as a family, talking about how our week went, what we look forward to, what had happened. It was something none of us missed out on, not one Saturday would pass when we weren't all there. Soon enough, Louis and a few other mates had joined in on the tradition. It was a tradition that up until the day that Gemma left, and even after that we still kept it up, always keeping an open seat for her.

So, there's your childhood story. I hope that made you happy.

As for the visitation question, I suppose it depends on why you want to know, hypothetically. I am allowed visitors, how else am I supposed to know about you? I've not been convicted yet, so, I still do have visitation rights. Are you interested in meeting me Mr. Horan? Is that why you ask? I wouldn't, if I was you. Dangerous and all, wouldn't want people looking into you.

Charismatic. I like that one. You're correct, you don't get far with just a pretty face. I do happen to be quite intelligent, thank you very much. I suppose I could say the same for you, but it doesn't mean I will. I don't give out compliments often Niall, that's something you will learn soon enough if you haven't already.

Stay safe Niall Horan,

H.S.


	9. Letter 09

Dear Harry,

 

That does sound less formal doesn't it? You find ME intriguing? How's that? What exactly are you wanting to "pick at", Harry? I guess you're right, your name does have a certain ring to it....don't worry, it's probably the bell they ring when someone wins at bingo at the retirement home. *wink*. Anywho, as far as the orange jumpsuit goes, I'm sure you're the fairest of them all. I'm not sure there's much that you could wear to make you look bad. Or anything at all for that matter.

On to a bit more of a serious topic, death. Are you saying that my death is impending and inevitable? That I've already pushed too far with the very little progress that I've feel I've made? What are these topics I should avoid if my death can be deterred? If not, might as well push all the buttons, yeah?

Speaking of dangerous things, is THE Harry Styles flirting with me? Naughty naughty Mr. Styles, I would think you would be more business than pleasure. But while we're on the subject, is that something you would risk? Having a relationship. I'm not going to ask names of past or present partners, I don't need to know their names. Just maybe if that's something that you've had to deal with before? Is it a difficult thing for you? Are there people that you are set up with that are for convenience? I know not everyone is comfortable sharing their sexuality with the world, that's fine. I won't ask, that is totally up for you to decide if you want to tell me. I would like to know if that is something that would affect someone in a business like yours. Their sexuality? Is being anything other than heterosexual frowned upon?

I am obviously into men, but not exclusively. I don't believe love has a gender. If I fall for someone, it's not the way they dress, look, their gender. Granted those all become a part of why I'm attracted to someone. Call me a hopeless romantic or cheesy, but I fall for who a person is. I learned early that not all beautiful people are truly beautiful. I must admit that I laughed when I read how you came to be in prison. Quite ironic isn't it? I am quite interested in hearing why you were speeding in a car that wasn't yours? Trying to get away from a crazy ex perhaps? Saw a ginormous spider in your house? Had to pee, but didn't want to do it in a public restroom? I'm sure I'm not the only one who finds the humor in it. I'm sure your enemies are laughing as well. Speaking of enemies, how many do you have that you know of? I don't need a specific count of people. Maybe just groups, gangs if you prefer.

As far as your compliments go, should I feel special? Who do you usually save those for, Harry? Me jealous? Psh.... That's preposterous... I Niall Horan am not a jealous man.... *cough cough*. I shouldn't be jealous should I? I mean it's incredibly stupid for me to be jealous, right? You've warned me countless times that I shouldn't even be writing you, much less be jealous of a pretty boy being close to a god like man in an orange jumpsuit with the power to take my life with a snap of his fingers. Jealousy is a funny thing, Harry. It's not a feeling I enjoy. I've never even met you, only met Louis once. But it doesn't stop the nagging feeling deep in me. There's another feeling there trying to pound it away, its called common sense. Seems to be evading me recently though.

While we've mentioned Louis, I won't ask too much about his boyfriend. Don't want to open that can of worms. I am curious though, does he know about your world? You say "in the real world" does that mean he's blissfully ignorant as to what his boyfriend does? Also, double terrifying equal double beauty? My hair? Naturally I'm a dark brown, I've dyed my hair blonde from a young age. My hair is now lilac, funny enough.

Your last letter said that was a scent you remembered from your childhood. Which brings me back to that, how does someone support a life of crime? What do you mean you have full support from family? It's just not something I can wrap my head around. I still feel as if childhood helps shape us. I'm not saying that you can't be your own person and make your own path. Let's say that you're a druggie. An awful one that only cares for yourself, but you have three children. Your children are going to make a choice. The first chooses to be indifferent to drugs, sure they'll try some every once in a while but they can't really be bothered by them, to each their own mentality. The second absolutely hates drugs. Sees how it's torn the family apart and has seen the uglier side of drugs. How it kills you from the inside out. They never want to see that happen again so they do everything in their power to keep themselves and others away from drugs. Then you have the third who decides that they are just like you. It's predetermined fact that a druggie who has kids are going to be druggies themselves, no better off than their old man. So they give into drugs and wither away into a shell of what they used to be. Based on their upbringing, their childhood. This has lead them to these conclusions. It's also based on a person’s personality, it's not just one factor that leads us down the roads we choose, but it's a part of it. Honestly though, your family sounds lovely. Admittedly, my family was never close. I have been alone for a long time, family wise. Originally, I'm from Ireland. Stuff happened and I haven't looked back since I was 18. I do miss it sometimes. I could talk for hours about it probably, but that's not why we're here. Thankfully, I have wonderful friends whom I consider to be family. But being together as a family is a totally foreign concept to me. It sounds more fairytale than anything. If it's too personal, I'll leave it alone but I wonder what happened to your sister? You mentioned that you leave an open seat for her just in case she comes back?

I really don't know what your family business is? That's what I'm trying to uncover? Is that one of the questions that will end up taking my life? I'm kind of offended. I feel ripped off by watching these American mob movies. I want to picture you walking around your cell muttering about meddling purple haired boys swimming with the fishes for poking their nose into something that needs to be left alone. *giggles*.

I would love to come talk to you in person, though I don't think it would be one of your goons to kill me or your enemies if I did that. My friend would have my head. The one I told you about. Now, why this letter has taken me so long to write.... I ran into a few of your friends at a tattoo shop the other day. My friend that I was telling you about, apparently you know of him. Maybe not on a personal level but two of your little buddies seem to go into his shop often to get tattoos. Grimmy and I were still fighting over the letters when they came in. They overheard us and decided to intervene. Ended up hoisted against a wall by a built guy with puppy eyes. While a ginger headed lad held a knife to my throat. I don't willing admit this to many people, so consider yourself special, but I'm a tiny man. I'm only 5'8 and really just skinny. My best mate calls me chicken legs sometimes. Not the most pleasant experience of my life. Honestly had to try not to piss my pants while they interrogated me. Just asked me why I was doing what I was doing. I was highly "recommended" to stop writing you. It took me about a week just to open my journal. Another few days to write and an extra few to actually send it. They're definitely terrifying. But damn, if everyone you work with isn't just fucking beautiful. You being the most of all.

Anyway, I've sent a picture with this letter. Figured you'd see one eventually and I'd rather not have you send someone to see what my hair color is. Or take pictures themselves. Might as well send one that I'm comfortable enough with.

One last thing, something you said has really stuck with me. I guess I hadn't realized that I've done this until now and I apologize. You ARE a person. Not just a name with labels attached to it. Hopefully I can start looking at others the same way. I'm not perfect, far from it. So thank you for that. Just out of curiosity, what is your favorite Disney movie?

 

Hope to hear from you soon,

Niall xxx


	10. Letter 10

Dear Niall,

You ask me what I find amusing about you, yet you are the only person on the planet that would giggle through a letter. If that isn't evidence enough, well I wouldn't know what is. Let's not forget the whole 'forget about the damn bear' business either. As for me finding you intriguing, you shouldn't sound so shocked. You're the only person I know that would rather risk their life just to get some information, and the only person to quote a Disney movie to a known criminal about walking on the wild side. You're very persistent, and while it think that it will still get you killed if the circumstances were right, I admire it as well. You, Niall Horan, are one of a kind. Take that as you will. I would love to know how someone like you thinks. My earlier thoughts about you were incorrect, at this point I don't think journalism is for you, but at the same time it would be the perfect fit. Like I said, you are one of a kind, and I'd quite like to learn a bit more about you. It seems only fair doesn't it, you get to learn about me and I get to learn about you.

As for the comment about my name, you should be lucky I'm behind bars at the moment. Not that I would hurt you for joking about my name, but rather had it been someone else well they wouldn't do it again after my men have spoken to them. If you catch my drift. I can assure you, I am no bingo playing old man, as I'm sure you are well aware.

I see you enjoy playing with fire Niall Horan, flirting with a known criminal. 'Fairest of them all' makes me seem like a dainty princess, which I'm most certainly not. But I can say I do pull orange off pretty well, not that I'd enjoy being dressed in it for the rest of my life. I'm certain you can imagine.

I'm not saying that at this point you are going to die because of what you're doing. Although, I am saying that if information is that important to you, and you persist to know them, then yes death is inevitable. But I suppose that's the thing about death, everyone meets him at some point. You have made progress I'd say, and as far as I know you haven't yet crossed that line, but it's a very thin line. Your death can be deterred, so stray from topics specific to who I have my dealings with, and what my dealings are. Many people would love information like that. Think back to your abundant knowledge of American mobster movies, and anything leading to danger in there, will be the same in reality. Don't push all the buttons Niall, one will tell everyone of who you are and what you know, and then there is no escaping.

Silly boy, the Harry Styles doesn't flirt. Not admittedly. You can believe what you'd like on that topic.

I haven't ever thought of that, to be 100 percent honest with you. If it was someone I cared deeply for, and if they were aware of the risks, I would risk it. I haven't ever had someone I cared for in that way, so no past nor present lovers for you to question. But I can tell you that caring about anyone is a hard thing to do, especially with what I do. It's difficult, not knowing if that person will be okay, if when they leave they'll come back alive, you don't need to have someone like that to know the feeling of worry for a loved one. It is difficult yes, but life's most important choices are too.

Sexuality has nothing to do with anything in a business like mine. You can be straight or gay or bi, but as long as you have people fearing you, it never becomes a problem. No one wants to risk dying because of a slur no one was meant to hear.

You are a hopeless romantic Niall Horan, but don't change that. There should be more of you in the world.

Yes, the irony was not lost on me, and yes the situation is nothing short of amusing. None of your- very amusing- guesses are correct however. As for the reason, I was informed that someone I cared for had been hurt. Turns out it was a false alarm, a miscommunication, but it had me worried nonetheless. Caring for people is a dangerous thing to do, but it's what makes us human.

My enemies have no room for laughter, they all know I possess information that could get them sent to Alcatraz. Knowledge is power. I can't tell you exactly how many, because the number changes every day. More than a handful I'd say, and people like the police are a constant one.

As far as compliments go, yes you should feel special. Wouldn't you like to know who they're usually addressed to? You're words seem to give you up Niall, sorry but your letter radiates jealousy. I don't think you truly want an answer to that question, about if you should be jealous or not, so I choose not to answer it. I don't think jealousy is a feeling anyone enjoys, but it means you care about someone, and that makes you human.

I didn't think you knew what common sense was, I mean, you are writing me after all. Glad to know you do possess such a thing. But all joking aside- because that was a joke- you should listen to it.

I say 'in the real world' as in, not in prison. He is not 'blissfully unaware' of his boyfriend's career choice, because he just so happens to enjoy doing the same thing. He is quite beautiful- but don't tell him I said anything, he'll too get a big head- much like Louis is, but when I said twice as scary I meant it. He doesn't look like someone you'd want to meet in a dark alley, and I' sure if you saw him walking on the sidewalk towards you, you would cross the street to the other side. It's a beautiful darkness. He too is someone I trust, and is very good at what he does.

Of course your hair is lilac, why would it not be? Is there any particular reason you've dyed your hair that color, or why you dye it at all? It looks nice though.

It's like a job, really, except it pays well and things get done quicker. Niall, I honestly thought you were smarter than that, to ask what I mean when I say my family supports me. You mentioned my family's business in an earlier letter, a huge empire that's known around the world. I suggest you read up on the 1920's in America, the time of prohibition, and maybe that might give you a little more insight. Not everything is what it seems.

I suppose in a way it does, for example I probably would end up in the same career no matter the choices I had made. Destiny is also a funny thing Niall, it's not something you can escape. As for your example, 2 of the three children made successful lives, learned from the mistakes of their father. Only one didn't. But even if all three had, childhood doesn't have to shape you for the worse. Yes, their childhood did shape them, but it wasn't written in stone that they would follow in his footsteps. They chose a different path.

If you are to delve into my life, I would like to return the favor. What happened that had you fleeing from your home and family? It's not always rainbows and butterflies, there are always good events and bad. You crave what you don't have, but that's normal, everyone is the same when it comes to that.

My sister, she didn't want anything to do with what we were, and how we chose to live our lives. She wanted nothing to do with the businesses we ran, that my parents ran. Neither of us did, but we were kids, we didn't have a say. When she turned 16, my mother wanted her to start in the family business, the one everyone knew about, the empire. But it was never what she wanted to do. It was something the three of them argued over for months, but one day she gave up arguing. She nodded her head like a good little child, and everything seemed to be okay. Except that same night she left, packed up as much of her belongings as she could and just vanished. I haven't spoken to her in years, I wouldn't even know where to look. So there's that story.

As for imagining me as an 'American mobster' you can go right ahead. I'm sure that's a fantasy of yours. Coming to see me would be a very, very, bad idea and I highly recommend you don't do it.

Our success isn't just for good looks, there's a reason people are terrified of me and my crew. Consider yourself lucky, it could have been much worse. It could have been someone not too keen of me. But, our good looks definitely help. Your friend already seems very involved, in fact, he's too far in to get out really. It'd be best if you stray from using me as a topic of conversation, you never know who can be listening.

I appreciate the gift, it's a nice picture. The lilac suits you.

It's common for people to do so, sometimes people seeing me that way- as a name with labels- helps, and other times it doesn't. It isn't fun, but what are you going to do about something you can't change?

My favorite Disney movie is Hercules, because Hades.

I hope to hear from you soon,

Harry


	11. Letter 11

Dear Harry,

 

I was not giggling through the entire letter. Just a few parts. I thought the quote was relevant, wouldn't you agree? I was laughing AND facing danger. Though I can honestly say I wasn't laughing after that encounter with your mates.

Just like you said, I have thoughts like every other person. I wonder what I'll cook for dinner, if my laundry is done, if I've fed my dog before I've left for school. Normal things. I just happen to have a hyper curiosity about... Well, everything. Knowledge is power, but power is something I've never sought after. I don't want it, maybe it's a cowardice of mine. I'm not scared of the responsibility that comes with it per se. Just, I'm human enough to admit that that power would probably go to my head. I just like to know things.

Me mum used to call me a control freak. I wouldn't go as far as to say that. I don't need to be in control of a situation, I can understand and accept that things are out of my hands, but I would like to know what it is. Death is one of those things. Whether I'm killed by the hands of you or your henchmen. Or if I'm old and wrinkled when I die, I don't have control of it. I don't know if I'm afraid of death, I know I'm afraid of pain. That's why your guys scared me. Don't fancy having me blood spilled out of me throat in front of a mate.

What we do with our lives are completely different, but related only in a way that it's dangerous. Obviously what I'm doing is dangerous, but not because it's considered illegal. Just stupid. Dying for the sake of a good story? The thing is, I despise journalists. Sounds funny right? Let me rephrase. I despise people who think its okay to mutilate a story with their own inappropriate nonsense. They add things in that are beyond imagination. It's madness.

I've already told you that I'm not here to spill your life story. I just want to know what makes you do what you do and some of the aspects that go into it. I've gotten a bit personal with you, but that's for my own undying curiosity. Doing what I do really messes with your love life. It's already messing with a friends' and he doesn't even know it. I don't have people that I keep close to me. I know what I do can get people hurt as well. I don't let people in too easily either.

Now Mr. Styles, I never said you played bingo in a retirement home. I said your name sounds like it, there's a difference. And I can honestly say that I didn't think you were a dainty princess. I get shivers when I see your picture, not necessarily in a bad way. I am an incorrigible flirt. Sorry about that, if it makes you uncomfortable then I'll do my best to make my thoughts behave while I write you.

I'm not sure I'm allowed or should be a hopeless romantic in my line of work. I have the power to expose people, maybe in a different way than you but none the less, a dangerous thing. I can't express my day dreams to a special someone. So no, I think it would be best if I changed my outlook.

You're wanting to know about me, but I'm sure if you wanted you could find out all that you desired. These letters are about you Mr. Styles, I think we should keep it that way, don't you? I do truly wish to know your answer about my unwelcomed and bizarre jealousy. Will you really not answer? My curiosity is getting the better of me. I do happen to know what common sense is, you goober. I just choose to ignore it. Sometimes it gets in the way of what I want to know. Best to push it aside sometimes.

I don't think running into Louis' boyfriend is on me bucket list. I'll check to make sure, but... I'm about 900% sure it's not. I'm sure he is beautiful, to have someone like Louis as a lover, you'd have to be beautiful. The first time I dyed me hair blonde was because I was told I looked so much like me brother. I didn't like that. He and I never got along properly so I changed the way I looked. I've just done it ever since. I dyed it lilac because of a dare and really it's a pretty color. So I don't mind much. And thank you, it's grown on me. Glad you appreciate it.

We'll just agree to disagree about childhood.

As far as your family empire goes, I could see where it started but prohibition has been over for over half a century, so what exactly is it now? Arms deals? Drugs? Sex trafficking? The list is endless.

I would love to visit you in prison. To talk face to face with you would be....something else. I'm just not sure how ready I am for that.

The tattoo shop incident has really stuck with me. For obvious reasons, but one of the most terrifying things was that Grimmy was there. I wouldn't forgive myself if something happened to him. And please, for the love of God, throw the picture away. It wasn't necessarily a gift. More of a ‘hey, this is what I look like’. The last thing I need is for someone to find you with that picture. I already have a huge target with flashing neon lights around it over my head. It's awful anyway but it's the most recent picture I have of me.

On leaving Ireland, again that's about me when our focus is on you. Call me a hypocrite all you want but that's personal. I'm asking questions. You can ask superficial things that I'd be willing to answer. Favorite color? Bands? Team? School? Yada yada. But those are still fresh wounds that I don't feel like pouring salt on.

I can easily forget how dangerous you are when I'm reading your letters, I have to remember that this is business. Nothing more.

Of course Hercules would be your favorite *rolls eyes*. Not only for Hades but you've got the god like complex and looks.

 

Until next time,

Niall


	12. Letter 12

Dear Niall Horan,

I didn't know you had a dog, then again, I don't know much about you. Not as much as you know about me. Normal however, is a relative term. I suppose those are normal thoughts for you, for me, they're absurd things to worry over.

I'd strongly recommend you find a different criminal to interview however. It seems I have also forgotten the dangers of talking to you. Then again, I can see many things that I've done that I should have. 

Hindsight is always 20/20 isn't it?

I wish you only the best in your future endeavors, and maybe you should reign in your curiosity. As for your project and your grade, I hope it all goes well, but I will no longer be willing to answer questions. Your picture has been destroyed, so no need to worry about that. This will be the last contact between us, Niall Horan.

Have a good life.

H.S.


	13. Chapter 13+

Mr. Styles,

I'm sorry if I've upset you. I know I've been a little forward, but why can't we talk anymore? I do have a dog, a German shepherd called Thor. I guess you're right, normal is a relative term but I wouldn't call my worries absurd. Please answer.

 

-Niall

 

 

~

 

 

Dear Harry,

Why won't you answer me? They sent my last letter back unopened with a note. Said you want nothing to do with my letters. Please just tell me what I did.

 

Sincerely,

Niall

 

~

 

Harry,

You're being absolutely ridiculous. They sent my other letter back too with the same message. You probably won't read this one either, but just remember I tried to warn you. If you won't answer me, I'll come to you.

 

-Niall


	14. Letter 14

Niall,

Are you fucking stupid? Why the hell would you think it a good idea to come here and see me? How many times have I warned you against doing so? What in your right mind, convinced you that what you did was a smart decision?

I get it, somehow you didn't see what you had said wrong, and you wanted to know what had happened. Really, I do understand, but I can't fathom why you would come  _here_. If you thought you had a neon bull's eye on your back before, well, now you definitely have something much grander. Not only to the people meant to protect me, but also those out to kill me or keep me in here for the rest of my life. I cannot wrap my head around you being here.

There's no way anyone can try and convince me of your intelligence now.

But really, I suppose now I'll give you what you risked your goddamn life for. A reason as to why this won't work.

You're such an idiot. Really you are, but I do give you props for how good of a journalist you are. First you spout on about how I'm not just some name, something attached with all these labels. You tell me you see me as a human, someone with emotions and feelings, get me to possibly trust you and give you information on me- with the pretenses that you won't write about them in your bloody project- and then you tell me it's strictly business. So really, good luck with that project, I'm sure you'll get an A, and lock me up for life while you're at it. You'll be a regular ole hero.

It's really my own fault really, I trusted you when I should have. I believed the bullshit you spouted. Believed that someone saw me as a human, but really you see me as some science project, a grade. You'll be a grade ‘A’ journalist, someone uncaring about the feelings of others. I'm nothing more than business, remember?

We've all got wounds that are still fresh, maybe it's time you face them. They'll get infected otherwise.

You Niall Horan are one of a kind, and truly, you had me fooled.

Have a wonderful life you idiot.

H.S.


	15. Letter 15

Harry,

 

You know what? Fuck you, you inconsiderate twat. I have never been anything but honest with you. Just because I didn't divulge any information about myself doesn't mean I wasn't honest.

I haven't even told my best mates about Ireland but while we'll spitting stuff at each other, here it is. I was raised in a very strict Catholic home. You would THINK that being in a home that supposed to believe in a loving God would also show a little love to their children. It doesn't always happen like that. I've always believed in something higher than ourselves, something powerful and mysterious, but some of the "rules" and beliefs were hard for me to follow. I couldn't see how love wasn't really "love" for everyone. Why loving a boy or girl was any different, but apparently it's a big difference. At least that's how it was with my brother and father. They like to think that they could "beat the gay" out of me. My mother would look conflicted as to whether or not it was a good idea to intervene. Apparently your son being beaten half to death isn't a good enough reason to. So I ran and took all the money I had when i turned 18 and flew to London. That's not a story I love telling. So there you have it.

Yeah, it may have been stupid for me to come see you, but did you ever think that maybe I thought you were worth the risk? I do see you as a person with emotions, more than someone with labels on them. But I also know how fucking stupid it is to fall for a criminal. That you would reject any notion that I brought up about maybe having feelings for someone so dangerous.

I got to know someone different than everyone saw in the media. Someone charming and with a very intelligent sense of humor that's also a bit of a dork, someone witty and so smart. Someone who could carry on a conversation with me and not get bored. Someone with a passion for life, who cares for others even though they have to hide that part of themselves. Someone, despite stereotypes, has a strong and loving relationship with their family. So yeah, excuse me for falling for you.

I don't want you to be put away for life, I've already told you that I've been nothing but honest. What was I supposed to think when you said "Harry Styles doesn't admittedly flirt"?

That statement about it being all business was more directed at myself than you. Having to remind myself that there was no fucking possible way that you would or could have feelings for me. So yeah, fuck my project. Honestly, I'm probably at the top of everyone's hit list now anyway.

Coming to see you was so worth it though. Take this how you will, I can't change your mind. You were breath taking though when I saw you. Your voice was what I thought it would be, deep and mesmerizing, even though you were furious with me.

If something did happen to me, at least I got to see you in person.

-Niall Horan


	16. Letter 16

Niall,

You're still an idiot, but it seems we both are. We all have events that scar us, obstacles we need to face in life. But your true strength is revealed at how you overcome them and how you move on. I can see where it's a painful memory for you, and I'm sorry I pushed you.

Although, you could have worded it a bit better, it did seem as if all you truly wanted was an 'A' on your paper. I'm sorry to have accused you of such, but I can't say I'm sorry for responding how I did about you visiting me. It was a stupid thing to do regardless of the circumstances.

Everyone has something in the past that hurts, but as a wise monkey- baboon- once said, the past can hurt, but the way I see it you can either run from it or learn from it. Take that and use it to make you stronger rather than break you down. They weren't worth your time, your effort, your care, or your love. They aren't worth the pain you put yourself through because of it. It's easier said than done, trust me I know that better than anyone, but it's possible.

"Harry Styles doesn't admittedly flirt" it was more of a joke than anything really. I forget that it's difficult to see sarcasm and light heartedness through text. You didn't see the joking smile on my face as I wrote it, so your reaction was warranted. I can honestly say I don't do much flirting, I don't fall or trust people easily, but you seem to have no problem in fixing that for me. It is dangerous to care for a criminal Niall Horan, especially one that they haven't convicted yet but really want to.

You give yourself too little credit, but then again maybe I hide things as well as I would like to. I will admit that I have become quite fond of you, but that's all I'll disclose at this point about that certain topic.

I thought I had made it obvious, but apparently not. 1920's yes, but it wasn't what they were selling rather how they were doing it. Prohibition, but people still sold alcohol, just research how they got away with it and then it might make some more sense. You're a smart person, I don't doubt you'll figure it out.

Sometimes, common sense is something you need to forget, and other times it's very important to listen to it.

Please just be careful.

H.S. x


	17. Letter 17

Harry,

 

I've had some time to cool down a bit. I'm sorry if I overreacted, short temper and all. Not an excuse really, but I'll just blame it on the Irish in me. We can be a hot headed bunch. What's better than one idiot? Two idiots. ;) As I said before, I think in the first letter that I sent, I've always wanted to write you. It wasn't ever just for a grade.

Quoting The Lion King again I see? Very wise baboon and a bit mad wasn't he? I bet you know that crazy little jingle he sings, don't you?

I haven't been forced to talk about it or think about it in years. I'm having to deal with it now, thanks to you.

What kind of criminal are you? Making people face their problems to become better humans, some dangerous criminal you are. *scoffs* we can't move on and grow until we face those ugly things in our pasts, so thank you.

What are your scars, Harry? What was it that broke you down to make you stronger?

You're right, it is hard to see the intentions behind the words.

I have to admit that I usually smile while I'm reading your letters or writing them to you, imagining how you'll react.

Who then, should I give all my effort and love to? Unfortunately, I haven't been spending much time with my friends lately. I'd rather not have another incident like we did at the tattoo shop. So I spend my days working, doing school work or with Thor, who has actually decided to start growling every time someone decides to knock or even just walk past my door. The whole Louis visit set him on edge a bit and he can be a bit protective.

Speaking of knocking on my door. I had a few visitors the yesterday. Seems your friends from the police department wanted to drop by and see what was so important about the letters we were sending and why I came to visit you. I told them I was a bit of a fan of yours, a fanboy ;). They weren't too happy about it. But again, I don't want to put you away for life. They'll be back, I'm sure of it. Something about holding incriminating evidence and fraternization with a well-known criminal. Technically they don't have evidence against me and I don't handle or even know what your dealings are.

I'm almost afraid to put what I think it is about your... Business in the letters. Either way, you might not be the only one wearing the ugly orange jumpsuit.

There is something that I wanted to make sure you knew. I didn't want to come off sounding like an obsessed love sick teenager. I just wanted you to know that you are way more than just a project to me and I'm still trying to sort out my feelings for you, but they are definitely there. I really do you like. I think love would be a strong word with the little time we've known each other. I'm rather fond that you're "quite fond of me". I'll try not to be too smug that I made you "catch feels". ;)<<< My inner fanboy coming out, that's some of the lingo for you. I'll interpret if needed.

So you wouldn't be up for me visiting you again?

Careful? I don't think that word is in my vocabulary, but I'll see what I can do.

 

Thanks for the kiss, have a few yourself.

-Niall xxx


	18. Letter 18

Dear Niall,

The Lion King just so happens to be an amazing movie, one you've quoted on occasion. Yes, he was a bit mad, but highly wise as well. Besides, all the best people are a little mad, wouldn't you agree?

Your temper just so happens to be adorable, although a bit of a flaw if anyone wants to get information out of you. I thought you were Irish from our brief meeting, but I wasn't a hundred percent sure. Thank you for confirming that.

Dangerous and criminal are very  _relative_  terms. I'm the best kind of criminal, making people better themselves. In order to read the next chapter of our lives, we need to stop rereading the last one. But each chapter makes the story more interesting.

There are many scars, too many to really go over. Life isn't perfect. Especially in a business like mine. I've lost people, people close to me. I will admit that my sister leaving was a pretty big wound, something that still bleeds and hurts. Especially due to the pretenses it was with. When we first reported her as missing, the police thought I had something to do with it. Thought that I had hurt her, had  _killed_  her, because to the world she was inheriting the company and that I was jealous over that fact. They knew nothing, absolutely nothing about her or our relationship. I was hurt when she left, and that's something that has really never gone away. You know more than most now, save for a select few that are extremely close to me.

Two idiots cause trouble, remember that.

I can't tell you who you should give your love and effort to. It's not my place, or anyone else for that matter, to say. Only you can decide who to give your heart to, but I would suggest you choose wisely. Your heart is a precious thing, not meant to be toyed with or broken.

It isn't your friends that will lead you to those types of situations Niall, it's the person in jail that you happen to be writing to. If they want to find you, they will, regardless of where you are or who you are or aren't with. The dangers of canoodling with a criminal.

Thor sounds lovely, very protective and caring. He must be a very good dog. It's adorable, but I'm sorry that Lou's visit set him off. That wasn't the intention.

As for my mates at the police station, claiming to be a fanboy probably wasn't the best thing to do, but I appreciate you keeping these letters away from them. They'll probably assume you either want to be like me or you work for me, either way, you may be under the looking glass for a little while. I don't want you to get in trouble, Niall, so maybe you should tell them all about your project and your lack of progress, it may work out in your favor. They will inevitably be back, they're big fans of me, and therefore will do anything to get me. They most likely have no evidence against you, don't worry your pretty little head about that. They can't do anything unless you slip up, unless you're not careful, so be careful. Mentioning my business dealings would probably be a bad thing, that's a reason I've been so secretive with you really, if they want them they'll find a way to get them. You will under no circumstances be in an orange jumpsuit with me that is one thing I swear. Even if it means I'll be put away for life, this is not up for discussion. Don't test me on this.

The amount of time you've known someone has nothing to do with how much you care or love them. The two don't correspond, as love sick and hopelessly romantic as that sounds.

"Catch feels?" I've always had feelings? I am human after all.

Look careful up in the dictionary then, don't be stupid, and be careful. I swear, if you're not careful I will break out of here just to shake some sense into you. You'll give me a heart attack at the rate we'll going and then I really will die in prison. Not only that but then I'm sure you would fail your project. It's a lose-lose situation as far as I can tell.

Quite fond, I believe the dictionary says 'having a liking or attraction to' do with that as you will.

Don't come visit me again, Niall, don't risk your safety. Don't play with fire, please just be careful.

I'll hear from you soon.

H.S. xx


	19. Letter 19

Harry,

 

I do enjoy The Lion King. I may or may not blast the soundtrack while I'm cooking or cleaning in me boxers. Yes, I think I could agree. Does that mean you're a little mad? I am Irish, I did say I was from Ireland. Did I not? Sometimes getting information out of me is like pulling teeth, I agree. I'll admit that I have been unfair to you in that aspect. You have shared some pretty personal stuff with me and I haven't really returned the favor. So, ask away. I'll try not to be too closed off, it's just a defense mechanism. We've all got one. 

 

You are definitely wise for someone as young as you are. You've got plenty of experiences to go off of though, I'm sure. I'm sorry they thought so little of you to think you had something to do with her disappearance. It sounds like you guys were pretty close, I'm sorry that you don't see her anymore. I'm sure she's somewhere safe with a family that loves her dearly. Thank you for sharing something so intimate with me. I won't take that for granted. 

 

Two idiots can also be a lot of fun. :) 

 

Don't worry, I think I'm choosing pretty wisely, although others would call me reckless. But again, I've never cared much for what others thought. Let them give their affection to whomever they want and I'll do the same. You sound like a pretty hopeless romantic yourself, Harry. 

 

It isn't me friends that I know will get me into trouble, maybe save for Grimmy. I'm a little more worried about ME getting them into trouble through association. I wouldn't want something to happen to them because of me. Canoodling, I like that word. 

 

Thor is a wonderful dog. I found him as a puppy a few years ago. Someone left a baby German shepherd in an alley. Who the hell does that?!?! Anyway, I took him home and fed him. He hadn't left me side since. He's much much bigger now. If he stands on his hind legs, he's about 6 ft. 2. Again, I'm only 5 ft. 8. It's sad when a dog is taller than you. They're very loyal dogs. Dogs can sense fear anyway and I sure as hell was scared. He's just giving into instinct. 

 

I'll guard your letters with me life. Don't worry about that. If it'll ease your mind, I'll take your advice next time they come around. Don't do anything drastic to keep me out of prison. It wouldn't be the first time I was there. But that's another story. I wouldn't want you locked up forever because you were trying to keep me out of jail. I won't test you though. 

 

I know you've always had feelings, but it's meant in more of a romantic way you goober. 

 

I don't think I'd mind you shaking some sense into me ;) but I'd rather wait until you're a free man for that. Please don't have a heart attack. That would be tragic, I'll try my best to be careful with my definition of the word. I think I'd have a few more things on my list of priorities to be worried about if you died than me stupid project. 

 

Do you have a dictionary stashed with you somewhere in there or are you just reciting from memory? Cause if you are, that's hot as hell. Intelligence is so sexy. 

 

I think I may have played with a bit of fire. Um, yeah. You know how you said I didn't ever want to meet Louis' boyfriend? We've met. I didn't go looking for him, mind you. He came to see me. Or rather, he was sitting on me sofa when I came home from work. Scared the hell out of me, all the lights were out. You were right, he's beautiful, but utterly terrifying. It's a terrifying that seeps deep in you. He didn't yell once. He even finished his cigarette before he even talked. I sat there like a bird caught in a snakes stare. He didn't look away. When he was done, we had a nice little chat. And by nice I mean most unpleasant conversation I've ever had. I didn't really even talk. He talked and I nodded. Most unintelligent I've ever felt in my life. I thought me tongue had swollen up, it felt so heavy. I'm almost afraid to send this to you. I had to go buy band aids at 3 a.m. And all they had was freaking Dora ones. I'll be sore for a few more days I'm sure, but you're a bit addicting. There's something about you that I can't seem to stay away from, even when my life is in danger. 

 

I hope to hear from you soon,

Niall. Xxx


	20. Letter 20

Dear Niall,

That is by far the best visual I've ever had. How cute, dancing to Disney in your boxers. I would hope you enjoy the Lion King- that might've been a deal breaker if you hadn't. I figured you did, you quote it often enough.

You did happen to say you were from Ireland- that thought just slipped my mind when writing my last letter. My sincerest apologies for my forgetfulness. I do hope you can forgive me.

Getting teeth pulled is the perfect comparison to sharing information. I suppose it's the same for both of us. There is one thing that has filled my mind, something personal I would assume. What did you mean 'it wouldn't be the first time I was there', when and why have you been to jail before? It's driving me up the walls a bit.

I am wiser than most I would think, plenty of experiences to learn from. Although, some I would much rather I had not experienced. You can't change the past, only learn from it. People can think what they want, they do despite facts anyways. It wasn't your fault, there's no need for you to apologize. It's in the past, it still hurts but there's nothing that will change it. We were, we told each other everything. I  _thought_  we told each other everything, it turned out I misjudged the situation.

While that may be true, I'm sure the specific pair of idiots we're talking about can only lead to trouble.

They must be pretty special to win your heart, it's a precious thing, and they better take care of it. It's a good quality to possess, not caring about the opinions of others. Their opinions are invalid, the only one that should matter to you is your own, and many people haven't realized that just yet. I suppose you could label me as a hopeless romantic, it wouldn't be good for my image, nor would it really good for me either. You can't really allow yourself to care when placed in my kind of business. The world is a cut throat place.

I understand the risks, as did you when you first started writing me. Sometimes we take those risks for those we care for. We have to protect those we love but also give them a chance to risk the consequences. We don't get to choose the dangers we must face in this world, we do however get to choose how we handle them.

Canoodling is a fun word, yes.               

I couldn't imagine leaving a poor little German Shepard in an alley, it's cruel. That's coming from a criminal mind you. You're a hero to that little- big- pup now you know? He's protecting you like you did him. He must love you very much, I can already tell that you love him.

Don't lose your life for a few sheets of paper, I couldn't live with myself if you did. It would ease my mind if you did such, I refuse to let you get hurt for this. For me. I am quite fond of stories, as I said earlier in the letter I would love to know what happened to put you in jail. You have no say in the matter, you are an innocent party here, and you will under no circumstances be allowed to go to jail because you associated with me. It would be best not to test me, or argue with me on that topic. My decision is final.

Don't blame me, I didn't know what 'catching feels' means. I'm not 100% up to date on pop culture and slang.

You are one of a kind Niall, I never thought someone would happily have sense shaken into them. I would prefer if my heart beat at a normal rate to sustain my life, I'm not all too keen on having a heart attack. Then again, it isn't really my choice. Your reckless actions make me nervous, you'll be the death of me I swear. What takes higher priority over your project if I die? I'm being completely playful with that last question.

I do not have a dictionary, not with me at all times. We do have a library with an old dictionary that's seen better days. Are you calling me (and I quote) 'hot as hell' and 'sexy'? Intelligence is fit, yes, I'll agree with you there.

I haven't had a chance to talk to any of the lads, what happened? When did Zayn see you? Why did you need Band-Aids? Did he hurt you? Did Thor hurt him? Fucking hell, I told you that you would be the death of me. What the fuck happened? Are you alright?

On a lighter note because I may just truly have a heart attack, I'm sure you look adorable with those Dora Band-Aids.

One day you may have to choose between me and your life and I hope to God you choose your life.

I'd really like to know what happened.

I'll hear from you soon.

H.S. xx


	21. Letter 21

My dearest Harry,

 

What a... Um.... Interesting week it's been? That's one way to put it I suppose? Wanna know what happened? Alright. I came home late from work, most of the lights were out in the flat. I keep a few of them on for Thor. Anyway, he greeted me when I came in like he usually does, but I then I look over and sitting on me sofa is one of the most beautiful guys I've ever seen. (Don't worry, I still think you're the hottest). He's just freaking sitting on the sofa smoking, like it was his freaking house. Then it hit me, this had to be someone you knew, either on your side or not. So I try to back away, completely forgetting me lovably stupid dog is still behind me. So I tripped over Thor, knocked into a table I have close to the door, which made the glass bowl that I keep me keys in fall on the floor and shatter which, in the panicked state I was in, I didn't think about the consequences of slamming me hands on the floor to try to catch myself better. It actually probably made it worse, I twisted me arm the wrong way when I fell and had a nice collection of glass stuck in me right hand. This fucker is sitting on the sofa chuckling at me while he finishes his cigarette. He got up when he finished and walked towards me so I stood up, in spite of the pain, and then I panicked more. I... Well... Yeah. I punched him in the chest and ended up hurting me other hand. Not too badly, but man if he isn't ripped. He just laughed at me and told me to relax. He found it way too amusing for me liking. He mostly talked at me while I listened and nodded. He told me that he's going to be looking out for me, protecting me to the best of his abilities. He told me that you ordered them not to hurt me. I guess he wanted to go above and beyond. You can tell he loves you. Then he asked me about "my intentions with you". If I was in love. And then he told me that if I ever hurt his brother that he would "gladly slit my throat and watch the blood drain from my body". That was the more unpleasant part. And of course my fucking dog chooses him to love. He didn't hurt him. He even whined when he left! Ridiculous. The whole time we talked, he sat across his lap on the sofa, licking his face. Bloody traitor. There you have it. So, yeah. That's how I met Zayn Malik and ended up getting Dora band aids at 3 a.m.

 

Of course the next morning me friends decide they need to check up on me because I haven't seen them in weeks. So by this point, me left hand is fine after hitting Zayn, but the right hand is all cut up and I hadn't had a chance to clean up the shattered glass and blood from the floor. Me right hand is still a bit swollen from landing on it funny. So they ask about those and I told them that I tripped over Thor. Which isn't a lie, I just didn't tell them why I tripped over him. Grimmy has always been the best at reading me though. I guess he could tell that I was leaving some of the details out because he got really mad and defensive all of a sudden and yeah... He asked me if this was about you and my "moronic letters". And my other friends hadn't known about it at this point. So now they know. I told him that I really did trip over Thor and I still left Zayn out of it. They tried to get me to stop writing you. Said it was dangerous and that they don't want to have to identify me in a morgue. I would think if something gang related did ever happen to me that my body wouldn't be found. I should really keep my mouth shut sometimes. I didn't mean to say that out loud, but it happened and they flipped out more. They told me they would take the letters to the police. I pointed out that they don't know where they are and there's really nothing in the letters that could make your stay in jail any longer. I didn't tell them you had personal stories in then either. I love my friends dearly, but this is between you and me. I feel like I earned that knowledge and it's not something I take lightly. So yeah, they've asked me not to write you, but I won't stop. They know how stubborn I can be. They're wary for me safety but they know I'd do it anyway.

 

So that was my week. How's yours going?

 

Now now Harry, what kind of visuals are you having? Cheeky boy. So you love Disney movies then? We could have a movie marathon :D. And what sort of deal would I be breaking if I didn't like The Lion King? Hmmm? I want to know some of your likes by the way. What kind of music are you into? Favorite artists? And there's no need for me to forgive you, love. A slip of the mind is all it was. I drive you up the walls, eh? I think I like that. But I'll put you out of your misery. It's not very grand, honestly. I used me Da's car to get to the airport in Dublin. I left a note!! That didn't matter. Really the drive is only a little over an hour from where I'm from, Mullingar to Dublin. He could have had Ma drive him in her car but it's whatever now. So they reported it stolen and when I got to the airport they detained me when I went through security. Me Da pressed charges against me, so I spent three nights in prison. The only person that I truly cared about bailed me out, we still talk. It's the only person I talk to from Ireland. His names Josh, the only one who stood beside me when I said that I didn't just find girls attractive. He never judged me or anything, even when his family told him that he wasn't allowed to be around me. We still saw each other at school and he would come pick me up sometimes in the middle of the night just to hang out. He moved from Mullingar to Belfast in Northern Ireland. He went to school there, met a girl and they're getting married next year. Haven't decided if I'm going to the wedding or not yet. He said he wouldn't pressure me, but wanted me to know that I was his first choice for best man. So, I've got some thinking to do I guess.

 

These two people could be trouble, but it would be a beautiful trouble I think.

 

Yes, I love Thor very much. He's like me own kid. Except I don't have to worry about him 24/7. You know? I do love kids though.

 

Why does me recklessness make you nervous? And yes I do look oh so cute in me Dora band aids. (Note heavy sarcasm). And yes, hot as hell. I have a thing for tattoos though.

 

A heart is meant to beat abnormally fast sometimes. When you're exercising or when you see that special person, when you're excited or your adrenaline kicks in. All sorts of reasons. I only said I would be glad to be shaken by you, silly. As for me list of priorities, it would probably be putting me life back together. Obviously I'm not physically or emotionally dependent on you. But I don't know how long it would take for me to get over the thought of never reading a letter of yours again. Thinking about the way you smile or laugh at my quirks. The care and intelligence that radiates from them. To cease to learn more about you. Not your business, but you. I think it's tragic that no one can know the real you, because the world is in need of people like you, Harry. You're smart, caring, and funny in a way most people wouldn't get, you're so wise and just... You're beautiful. There's no other way to put it. So in regards to choosing between me own life and me losing you, you'd be a fool not to know the answer to that.

 

-Niall xx


	22. Letter 22

Dear Niall,

Dearest, eh? Should I feel special for that greeting?

I'm glad to hear that Zayn didn't hurt you, I don't truly know what would have happened if he did. I would have been very conflicted. I can say that I love him too, in very brotherly way. He's my family, they all are. That's just how we are. What exactly are your 'intentions'? How did you answer that love question? I can honestly say that it would be best to stay on his good side, he usually follows through with his threats. He was also very honest with his promises as well, since you've decided against being safe, I've had a few  _measures_  taken to make sure you're okay. You can say I'm kind of attached now, to you that is, so I'll have to make sure that even when you're reckless and careless that you're safe. But don't go spreading that around, don't want people to know  _the Harry Styles_  has feelings, that he cares about people and things now do we?

They say dogs are the best judge of character, well dogs and children, so I suppose that should tell you something about Zayn. Yes, he is beautiful and terrifying but he protects those he loves. He is someone you can put your trust into. Easier said than done of course, but a little advice nonetheless.

Everything seems to always happen at once. Don't lose your friends because of this, it's not worth it. That's alright that they know, I suppose, it's not like they can do anything about that information. I didn't expressly tell you anything for a reason. You're smart, you work things out. They are right, you and I both know how dangerous this is, but I've made precautions for you, so that can ease their minds and mine.

You did earn my trust, my stories. You gave me a chance and for that I couldn't be more grateful. I don't take your trust lightly either, just so you know. You're something else, Ni, I've decided that's a good thing however.

We  _all_  know how stubborn you are.

This week has been the same really, save for a few minor changes. It's a bit quieter than usual, I fear something may be happening soon. It's probably nothing, you learn to invent things in your mind when you have nothing else.

My visuals are mine and mine alone, sorry that information happens to be classified. They are quite lovely though. I am a Disney fan, but again don't go sharing that information I've got an image to uphold, it was something my sister and I shared. You wouldn't guess it, but Liam's a fan of Disney too, even has a little cowboy hat tattoo. (Don't tell him I told you.) We'll I can't be associated with someone who doesn't like the Lion King, it's just not natural to not like it.

I can listen to about anything, music is a privilege here, something I don't have quite yet. What about you, what do you listen to?

Love, now that is something I haven't been called in ages, and I've been called quite a few things mind you. You truly drive me up the walls, freaking crazy. It's a wonder your mates haven't put you in a protective bubble to live in for the rest of your life. I'm constantly worried you'll do something stupid and get hurt. I'm glad you enjoy the effect you have on me, at least someone does.

I'm glad to hear that you're still as innocent as I thought you were. Looks can be deceiving, but you look too cute to do anything to land you in prison. You're dad's a dick anyways. (Excuse my French).

Josh sounds like a good mate, it sounds like he would really like you to be there. He was with you through tough times, you should support him on the happiest day of his life yeah? Don't mind my opinion, I can't really say I have a place to tell you what to do. That's just my suggestion. You'd like him at your wedding wouldn't you? Why the hesitation?

Just because it's beautiful doesn't mean it's not deadly, just take Zayn as an example.

If you haven't caught on just yet, I care about you. You're safety is important to me.

A thing for tattoos you say? And here I thought you were an innocent little fake lilac haired Irishman. That's okay, I have lots of tattoos, is that saying you have a thing for me?

Thor seems to protect you just as much as you protect him. You're a cute little family.

You're sweet, hopefully you'll never have to experience those things. I have the same fears when it comes to you. One of the reasons your recklessness makes me nervous. You have no reason to lose your life, it isn't your fight to be fought in. It's mine, and it's not something I should drag you into.

I suppose you and I both know what choice you would make if you were given those two options, no matter how badly I wish you would rather keep yourself safe.

Death is inevitable, we just have to make the most of the short life we're given.

Be safe Sunshine, for the love of God please be safe.

H.S. xxx


	23. Letter 23

My dearest Haz,

 

Of course you should feel special. The suffix -est means most does it not? Meaning you are the dearest. Not to be confused with deer, which is another Disney movie. I am man enough with my lilac hair to say that I cried during Bambi and a few other Disney movies. Like Fox and the Hound. Anywho, what would you be conflicted with if he hurt me? I do understand that feeling of loving someone in a brotherly way. Friendship is a funny thing, it's like picking your own family. Nick, Ashton, Luke, Calum, and Josh are all like me own brothers. Couldn't see life without them. My intentions? Hmmmm, how about a quote instead? "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good". If you understand that reference then I might just break you out of jail meself. How did I answer the love question? My my, aren't we feeling curious today Haz? I think we'll save that answer for a later time.

 

On the subject of Zayn's threat, that's a promise that I'd rather not see come to fruition. Makes me skin crawl just thinking about it. A few measures? How many did you make?? I only know of one.

 

Your secret is safe with me. Besides I'm no longer interested in The Harry Styles. I haven't been for a while now. His image was destroyed after the first few letters. You are so much more than the notorious Harry Styles. I hope you know that about yourself.

 

I feel special that Zayn loves me so much ;) glad he's such a loyal bloke to protect those he loves.

I'm just teasing, please don't tell Louis. He still scares the crap out of me.

 

Thank you over your concern about me friends but just like yours, their loyal. Even when I'm being a stubborn arse. But I'll pass on that you're taking precautions for me where I've failed in that department.

 

Earning your trust was one of me most accomplishing moments. Not in an "in your face, he likes me" kind of way. But in a way that you've deemed me worthy enough to know some of your secrets. I like the nickname by the way. Most everyone calls me Nialler or if they're feeling particularly "funny", it's Neil. So I like that you called me something different. How do ya like Haz? Too weird?

 

About your prison situation, don't just brush it off. You have good instincts, you couldn't be where you are without them. Now you're making me worry about you. How the tables have turned.

You won't even let me have a look into your visuals??? No fair.

 

That's a sweet story you have with your sister. I'm sure you miss her like crazy, but memories can help ease that pain sometimes. Liam has a cowboy hat tattoo?? As in Woody from Toy Story?? That's hysterically adorable.

 

Me music? Lots of acoustic stuff from lesser known and well-known artists. Also Eagles, Fleetwood Mac, Kiss, John Legend, Michael Buble, Coldplay. Just a bunch of stuff. I play the guitar meself sometimes. Haven't lately but it's a favorite pastime.

 

I'm sure you've been called multitudes of names, but I think "love" suits you best. Honestly? It's a nice knowing you have an effect on someone. I will have you know that I may be "innocent" but I'm ferocious.... You remember that.

 

Didn't know "dick" was French. What's it mean? Arsehole? Douche waffle? That sounds about right. I hadn't thought about it like that with Josh. Kind of selfish to not honestly. Add thoughtful to your list of characteristics. I would love to see him happy. He sounds like he's ecstatic. Your opinion means a great deal to me, if you couldn't tell by now. And at this rate, not sure if I'll get married.

 

Beautiful and dangerous? Yeah, but he turned out to be alright didn't he? Just a threat to certain people. And a thing for you, love? Definitely.

 

Yeah, we're a little family but that's all I need sometimes.

 

Death? The way I see it, like you said is inevitable. Why not die for someone you care about? If it would be for you, then no, it wouldn't be all for nothing. If it involves you, I consider it my fight. You didn't drag me into anything, I volunteer. I volunteer as tribute!!! Get it? :)

 

As for your question about love earlier? The answer is yes. Yes, Harry Edward Styles, you've stolen my heart and I am totally, undoubtedly, utterly, unconditionally, ridiculously, and completely in love with you.

 

Yours affectionately,

Niall xxx

 

P.s.-Sunshine? I think I like that too. Does that mean I can call you bear? You look scary to most but you're warm and cozy? That's I feel when I talk to you.


	24. Letter 24

Dear Niall,

 

Do you trust me Sunshine?

 

Haz xx


	25. Letter 25

Dear Haz,

 

With my life.

 

Sunshine Xxx


	26. Letter 26

Sunshine,

 

I need you to do something for me. Okay? It's crucial that you do exactly as I say.

 

Unfortunately I was right, something is happening and I don't think it's going to be good. A mate of mine- you've met the ginger from the tattoo shop- Ed is going to come to your home. You need to have some clothes and necessities packed. I trust you'll probably tell your mate Grimmy, so have him pack too. You'll be going on a vacation of sorts, a beach house of mine.

 

Do Not, I repeat  ** _do not_**  write me any letters. When everything blows over, Ed will bring you home.

 

Please don't fight me on this.

 

Take this as a much deserved vacation, make sure you let your school know you'll be gone, and have fun. Pretend you never knew me if that's what makes you enjoy your time.

 

Be safe Sunshine,  ** _please_** stay safe and listen to what Ed says.

 

I'll speak to you when you're safe and sound okay?

 

Haz xx

 

P.S. It may be dangerous, but I'm irrevocably in love with you too.


	27. Letter 27

Haz,

 

I know you told me not to write you but I just.... I miss you Harry. It's been a month. A month, Haz.

Are you any closer to finding out what's going on? Who's behind it? Something doesn't feel right, why would they keep you this long for something that could easily be fixed? If you're thinking it’s a rival gang, then there must be crooked people working the court system. A gang couldn't keep you in prison this long, but someone working both sides could.

I'm driving myself crazy with thoughts about someone hurting you. I can't....You told me to pretend like I didn't know you if it would help me enjoy myself. I could never do that. How could you even suggest that? I just.... I'm sorry, I sound like... Just yeah.

I find myself craving things I've never even had from you. Your arms around me, a kiss, running my fingers through your long hair. Just... It fucking sucks. I told you in one of my letters that I didn't depend on you physically or emotionally but I think somewhere that changed. Absence truly makes the heart grow fonder. I've had loads of time to sit and think about you and what you mean to me.

I've been a right git to Grimmy, all I do is snap at him for things that aren't his fault. They say that you take out your anger on the one that you’re closest to. I guess that's true. I've apologized, but he brushes it off. Says he understands. He misses his boyfriend, he won't go home though. He's such an amazing mate.

Ed is a wonderful guy when he's not pinning me against tattoo parlor walls.

Of course I brought Thor with me. Couldn't just leave him. I coulda asked one of me other mates but he feels more like home. You shoulda seen him the first time he saw the water, Haz. He was so excited. He ran to the water and got back out just as fast. The water was colder than he was expecting. He's just use to his warm baths, spoilt pup that one is.  Every time the waves came up on the shore he would try to pounce on them like a bloody cat or summat. He's so funny. I think he gets what I'm feeling. He just lays with me on what Ed calls my "bad days". I don't think depressed is the word. That's an insult to people that have depression. I just hurt.

My chest hurts when I think of you, I could waste me days thinking of you.

I emailed the school. Didn't tell them my circumstances. Made some bullshit up about an emergency in Mullingar. So they told me I could do online courses. 

Your house is beautiful, the view is spectacular. Ed gave me the room you usually stay in, the bed is so big and comfy. I hope you don't mind Thor sleeping with me. I've enjoyed your bathtub, it's nice to just sit and soak for a bit. Your shower is huge. How many people do you shower with, babe? I'm worried sick about you. Some days I can't eat and I can't sleep. Please please please be safe. 

 

I've reread your letters countless times. I could probably recite them back to you. The more I think about you the more I fall in love. It scares me Haz... I told you that love was a strong word for the amount of time we've known each other. Do you remember what you told me? You said, "The amount of time you've known someone has nothing to do with how much you care or love them. The two don't correspond, as love sick and hopelessly romantic as that sounds." 

I thought it was a romantic concept but I've found it to be true. We've been doing this for nearly 4 months, not including the month we've not talked. Although we've seen each other in person only once and seen pictures of each other. I feel like I've fallen in love with someone I can't see. Like I fell with blinders on, only seeing what's inside. Your wonderful humor, your intelligence, your kindness, your incredible work ethic. And the complete opposite of my original assumption, you're so humble and loyal. Your love for all things Disney. Not at all the tyrant you're thought to be. If people just read your letters, they would see how much of an absolute wonderful person you are. But those are between you and me.  

At the risk of sounding completely idiotic and sappy: I love you. This has probably sounded completely awful, but I just need to know Haz. Are you okay? Ed says no news is good news, but you know how bad my curiosity is. He talked to Zayn last week, said that it might be safe to come home soon.  

I've been on the beach every day. It's stunning. I've written a few cords for some songs. I don't do lyrics, just the music. Put Thor to sleep a few times while he listens. Ed's a good musician too we've done a few duets while Grimmy squawks out some almost unrecognizable lyrics. We've had good times too. They aren't all just me moping around. We made s'mores on the beach, can you believe that Grimmy has never had one? That's madness, you've had them right? We were eating breakfast the other morning, Ed musta been real tired because he fell asleep leaning against his hand. He fell face first into his cereal. I laughed so hard that I cried. He tried to be threatening but it didn't work. Just made Grimmy and I laugh harder.

My hair has grown out, had to have Grimmy cut it. Haven't dyed it, so it's my natural dark brunette color. Ed thinks it's nice, says it makes me eyes pop. I think he talks to his girlfriend at night. I love watching him talking about her, Taylor sounds like a lovely girl. He's told me some stories about you. I can't wait to hear some of your infamous jokes. I'm sure I'll laugh, I laugh at almost everything. He told me about the time that you tried to play a trick in him and Liam and it backfired. You were the one to end up with flour and egg in your hair. He told me that when you have free time, you like to bake. He said you were pretty decent. He told me about the time that you tripped over a dog in the street and apologized to it. I love hearing all these things about you. That when you're not working that you have fun with your mates. I wish you were here with us. I could listen to you talk for hours.

I'd like to think maybe we could come back here when you've gotten through your court date, maybe just us and Thor. I think he would love you too. I hope Zayn and Louis are keeping you safe. I know you're scared for me. But please, Haz, baby. Let me know that you're okay. I just got you, I think. I at least know you feel the same way. Don't make me lose you so soon.

I've got a confession to make, after I read your last letter, I was singing and dancing to ‘Can You Feel the Love Tonight’, from the Lion King. Hopefully that makes you smile, love.

I just need to know that I'm not the only feeling like this.

Please be safe. I love you. 

 

Yours always,

Sunshine xxx


	28. Letter 28

Sunshine,

You're an idiot, a stubborn lad that's going to be the death of me. Thankfully, everything worked out, as you probably know because you should be home right now. As much as I'd like to be angry at you for writing me while you were in danger, I can't truly be. You have an idea as to how much I miss you if your letter was anything to go by.

I did happen to find out what was wrong, I knew before I even sent you away. I didn't however know how to protect you from that while I was in here. That's why I sent you off. I'm not the only one in my type of business in here. They threatened you, so I had Zayn and Louis take care of them for me. I didn't want you contacting me in case they found out where you were, thankfully the problem was taken care of fully by the time I had received your letter. It would be best if you didn't ask, just know that it's all over. You're safe and that's all I care about.

You have every reason to feel that way, I can honestly admit I have thought of all those things more than a few times in this past month. You fill my dreams, and you've made even more frequent chamoes in my dreams this past month. Even when I'm awake I find you on my mind, your lips, your hair, your smile, and your hands. The list is endless, but they all add up to you.

Your dependency is cute, it makes me feel a little better that I'm not the only one who suffered so badly his past month. I have been reacting the same way really, but the people on the receiving end are more than deserving. I couldn't exactly mope, despite how much I would have liked to, rather I had to put up a façade and try and prove you mean nothing to me- which was the hardest thing I've ever had to do to be honest- and that I was someone to fear. The violence didn't exactly work out in my way all the time, but I'm alive so that's all you have to worry about. 

Ed is a lovely guy, much like a teddy bear, which is fitting because we call him Teddy. I'm very happy to hear he's kept you safe. His girlfriend is lovely as well, they're best mates and lovers. The best of both worlds. I wouldn't be surprised if he was talking to her at night, they never really could stay apart too long. They're a bit attached, it's why they usually go through things together. They happen to be stronger together than apart.

I can imagine that whole scene with Thor in the water, I bet he looked adorable, and I'm sure you looked like a proud parent. The water is a bit cooler right now, but it gets warmer. It's not like a heated pool, but it's nice nonetheless. Did you go in the water? Tan a bit on the beach? Enjoy the sun?

I can understand what you mean by 'bad days' but look up Sunshine, everything works out. We're talking again now and you're safe. That's all I can ever wish for. I'm glad you had someone with you when you were feeling down, I'm glad you had someone taking care of you.

The house is nice, it's my favorite actually. It was my little safe haven, my escape. No one has yet to find it, and only a select few know about it- even less have entered it, you should feel special babes. My bed is big, soft, perfect really. I don't mind that Thor slept with you, I'm just glad you had someone to cuddle up with. That bed is huge if it's just one person laying in it. I've never showered with anyone in that shower, I feel it's a very intimate thing: to shower or bathe with someone. I'm saving that experience for the right person. Maybe we'll take a shower when I get out.

I wish you hadn't worried, wish you could have slept and eaten and relaxed, but I know that was wishful thinking. It's easier said than done. I understand that. I wish I hadn't been the reason for your worry and unhappiness.

I can honestly say that I have your letters engraved in my memory, something I think of when I can't fall asleep, or when I have nothing to do. I think of you writing to me, a smile on your beautiful face, Thor lying on the floor at your feet.

You've seen a side of me that not many know, and I'm astounded at how fast my walls fell for you. Instead of seeing this stubborn lad, that was so persistent and uncaring for his own safety for a grade, I see you. I see a bubbly Irish lad, with an infectious smile and stubborn attitude. Someone that cares more about his friends than his own wellbeing. Someone who decided to break down a criminals walls, to see what not many other people would waste their time in trying to find. I see a lad that's caring and sweet. I see a lad that actually  _sees_  the world, not just what people think it is.

I'm very happy to hear that you could actually enjoy some parts of the month. The stories bring a smile to my face. I would love to hear your songs, and your song with Grimmy and Ed, I'm sure it's fantastic. I can't believe that Grimmy has never had a s'more before, that's preposterous! I have had a s'more, don't worry love. I can imagine Ed was tired, he had a lot of pressure put on him by me. You mean a lot to me, and I know he knew that. I would love to hear your laugh one day. Hopefully it's soon.

I suppose those stories were bound to reach you at some point, I have many more too. I'm sure you would laugh at my jokes, I'm hilarious, although my mates tell me differently more often than not. I do happen to enjoy baking, and cooking in general really. I'll cook for you one day, maybe it'll be our first date.

I am okay, I'm alive and you're safe and that's all I can hope for. I happen to be in the infirmary for the moment, but don't worry because I am okay. Someone wasn't happy with me for having Zayn and Louis and everyone else take care of the men he sent to hurt you. I'm a little cut and bruised, but I won and you're safe so everything is okay.

The visual did make me smile, but really anything involving you makes me smile. You are not the only one to feel that way, I love you, and you're constantly on my mind. It's rare when I don't think of you. I've just got you too love, I'm not going anywhere soon. Safe is my middle name, not really it's actually Edward, but you understand the point I'm trying to put across.

I've been told that my court date is coming up soon, and I'm actually quite nervous. Not only for me and my freedom, but for you as well. I don't want you to get hurt because of this.

I've gotten a visit from police, they were asking about you. I told them you were interviewing me for a project, and that you know just as much as they did. I told them that the only crime I've ever done was steal a pencil from my primary teacher Mrs. Ward. I don't think they believe me, I don't care much to be honest. I just hope that gets them off your back for a bit, but I know now that with how close the court date is that it will only make them more frantic.

Stay safe Sunshine,

I love you.

Hazza xx


	29. Letter 29

Hazza,

 

I'm taking the "idiot" as a compliment. : P Ed caught me writing and threw me first few letters away; I finally got the last one mailed out. We made it home safely, I slept most of the way home. I used Thor as a pillow. Zayn, Louis, and Ed all walked through me flat before the let me go in. They brought Thor in with them to make sure he didn't smell anything different than he usually does. It all turned out to be fine.

 

I'm glad you missed me too. Why didn't you tell me something was going on? I feel like I could have done something to help. Thank you for caring about me, though. That's a really good feeling. Way to make me blush.... anyway... I'm trying to decide if I should dye me hair again since its back to its natural state. Maybe I should just go blonde first then decide if I want lilac or another color on it. What do you think?

 

I bet if you could mope you would make the cutest pouty face. You have the lips for it. So plump and pink and kissable and just... yeah, anyway... back to reality.

 

What do you mean violence didn't always go your way??? Are you okay? Did they treat your wounds alright? WHO DO I NEED TO BEAT DOWN????

 

I bet Taylor and Ed have a wonderful relationship, they're a cute couple. I met her after they were done checking me flat. She rode with Ed and me to take Grimmy back to his place. I decided to call them Ted. So if you see it in me letters, you know what it means. Example: I saw Ted kiss when they dropped me at mine, they are so cute.

 

I did get in the water a little, like you said, it's still pretty chilly. Maybe once it's warmed up a bit, I'll go back to the beach. I haven't been in a long time. Unfortunately, no, I did not get a tan. If you remember correctly, I'm Irish. I'm really pale. I also forgot me sunscreen and I burnt, I looked like a stop sign. Once I finished peeling, I'm pretty sure I looked even whiter than I had before. None the less, I still had fun.

 

Yes, I had people to take care of me, but what about you? Was there someone to watch over you and keep you safe? Did someone take care of you?

 

I do feel special, thank you for opening up your private get away to me. If I ever go back, I hope it's under less strenuous circumstances. Then again, you always have a way of making me feel special. Thor and I did "cuddle". It was more of here's all this room on the other side of the bed that he could sleep on, but let's sleep on Niall, he's scrawny looking, much better sleeping material than a comfy bed. I had to push him off me several times. Suffocating thing.

 

Again, making me blush. It's actually getting rather hot in here thinking about taking a shower with you. Thinking about the way you would look all wet and steamy and... Well that's just a visual I'll keep to meself. It's really hot in here. Shame on you, making me have less than pure thoughts. ;) You said "that shower" does that mean you've showered with someone before in a different shower?

 

Haz, if I didn't worry about you, then I'd be worried about something else. I'd much rather keep me focus on you. Grimmy kept saying Hakuna Matata, "Relax Nialler, it means no worries." I told him if he didn't quit saying that I was going to Hakuna Ma-knock his fucking teeth out. It means no teeth. Using Lion King against me like that, right evil that one. He knew it was an empty threat though. He's about your size and I'm... Well I'm me. I'm skinny and he could do some damage if he wanted. He got the message though. Maybe I should go to the gym or summat, try and bulk up... But that means exercise and stuff. Do you go to the gym? Maybe I should work on me body a bit.

 

You're definitely the more beautiful one. That's exactly what Thor does, if I'm sitting at a table, he sits at me feet. If I'm on the couch he sits in me lap. Thinks he's a bloody lap dog. That's alright, I just end up getting a book or summat to write on top of and use him as a table.

 

I feel the same way, love. I told you before that I don't trust or open up easily, but there was just something about you that I couldn't resist. Maybe it was how open you were with me. I don't know, it's a mystery to me. I just know that I love you.

 

I'm not sure hearing Grimmy sing should be at the top of your priority list. It's pretty awful. Thank you, I'll have to play for you sometime, yeah? You'll just have to tell me a joke to make me laugh then, won't you? I am a huge fan of food, so you get brownie points for knowing how to cook. Now, I'll just have to see if it's any good, yeah? I would love to hear your stories, I want to know everything about you really. I'm already in love with you, knowing who you are as a person. What your outlook on life is and what you believe. Now I want to know all the little things that make you who you are.

 

You're such a dork, I'll be fine as long as I know you're alright, love. As far as the police go, don't worry about them. They can't get to me, they have nothing on me. I haven't done anything illegal. Just breathe for me. Honestly, I'm a bit nervous too. I would love to see you outside of jail, not in an ugly orange jumpsuit. Even if you look lovely in anything you wear. Me project is due soon and since I'm back in London, I have to present it. I'm pretty nervous about that as well.

 

Let's not focus on that right now though, just know that I love you no matter what. At the risk of sounding like the Barney theme song, I have to ask. I love you, you love me but what is this? I know what I want, but I would like to know what you're thinking.

 

All me love,

Your sunshine xxx


	30. Letter 30

Ni,

"Idiot" was more as a term of endearment than anything else if I'm being honest. I'm grateful that Ed caught you and destroyed those letters, I shiver at the thought of someone finding you and hurting you. I couldn't imagine a life without you now.

Thank god you're safe.

I didn't tell you something was going on because I know you. You're stubborn, and you care so much and you'll do something stupid under the pretenses that you're helping. I didn't want to risk losing you because you wanted to help. In a way I did tell you, I just didn't mention the full extent of it. There was nothing you could do but go with Ed, Grimmy and Thor and be safe, and that's exactly what you did. You have no idea how much you helped me by just being safe.

I was quite fond of your lilac hair if I'm honest. But I'd think you would look amazing with any hair color, I'm kind of biased however.

I am Harry Styles, I'm not meant to be cute. You're the cute one here remember? My mother always said I had a pout that could get me the world however. As for that little glimpse into your mind, I wouldn't mind helping act out those fantasies. God knows I would love to kiss you.

No offense, and I mean this in the best way possible, but I don't think you could beat down anyone here. You're adorable, and on the outside. Besides, there's no way I would let you fight someone. I would much rather take a beating for you and have you kiss it all better than let you possibly get hurt. I'm fine, I told you I was in the infirmary, just a few cuts and bruises. But that's it, and they've treated all my wounds as well as they can. I'll have a wicked scar on my abdomen, I've gotten 10 stitches. It isn't as bad as it looks at the moment, so hopefully that will calm your nerves.

Ed and Taylor have a wonderful relationship, despite their career choices, they've managed to make it work. Theirs was always something I craved, something I hoped I could have one day. That's cute: Ted. Only you could come up with something so adorable. Then again, I think everything you do is adorable so my point is kind of obliterated.

The water should be warmer soon, but I'm glad you got to go out into it a little even if it was a bit chilly. Ed mentioned you burning, I almost flipped, but I realized that isn't something he could have fully protected you from. He can't get rid of the sun when he wants to despite popular belief. What good is he if he can't control the sun? Kidding.

I had Louis and Zayn and Taylor looking out for me, a few people on the inside that have decided that 'teaming' up with me would be good for their safety. I'm not as bad as I could have been, so yes, I have people taking care of me. I've got a lawyer helping me, making sure that the only thing I get is a fine for the car, and even then I might get off completely scotch free because it was a mate of mine's. The trial is coming up so quickly, I hate to admit it but I'm terrified. At first, I didn't really care either way, I could do what I needed from the inside if needed, but now I have you. I don't want you to be one of those people that has to visit their loved ones in prison once every few weeks for about an hour. I want to be the person you deserve, I want to get out so I can hold you and kiss you and protect you.

It's not an 'if' rather a 'when' because you will go back. Hopefully it'll be with me, on a vacation when I'm out- if I'm out. He sounds to have the right idea, but I think if I was in that situation I would have you sprawled out on top of me. I have no complaints. He loves you, I can see why he does the things he does. You do weird things for the people you love.

My intentions weren't 'less than pure thoughts' rather honestly just having a shower with you. But hey, I am in no way opposed to your thoughts. One day my love, one day. I'm sure it's hot, the weather, it's heating up outside is what I hear. I did use that phrase for a reason, prison doesn't come with individual showers, and I have no choice but to share. On the bright side, Louis sent me some soap on a rope and I have never been more grateful. So, technically I have showered with many burly men, although I wish I hadn't. Individual shower heads so maybe it doesn't count?

Don't worry, there are better things to do in life than worry. Who knew my little Irishman had some kick to him, feisty. It's hot. I can imagine that whole scene now and I can't help but laugh and coo at the same time, you've made me into a right softie you know? I'm like a marshmallow because of you- for you. He wouldn't dare lay a finger on you though, right? Because if he did, well... You get the gist I'm sure. I think you're perfect the way you are. I do work out, mostly because there's not much to do in prison, and the fact that my business relies on being the strongest and toughest- or at least looking the part.

Don't change yourself. You have me to protect you.

That's debatable, rather a matter of opinion, but my opinion is you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen. Big dog syndrome, big dogs think they're small. It's pretty common, but it's adorable. He's protecting you at least, making sure you're okay, just like you do for him.

If I know one thing, it's that I just know that I trust you and love you too.

I'm sure it's something they would use as torture here, but I'm more interested in hearing you. I'd listen to Grimmy sing as long as I could hear you too. It's not at the top of my priorities, I have something much more important put up there. I will have to tell you a joke, but only in person because I want to hear that laugh of yours. I bet it's beautiful. I'll cook for you when I get out of here, I promise. I like brownie points. It may take you forever to learn all those little things, but I'm willing to put in the time ;). Look at that, I even included a winky face.

Don't do anything stupid is all I ask, everything will work out as it should. You'll ace that project, don't stress yourself.

As for your question, this this is love. And as far as I'm concerned, you're  _mine_  and I'm yours. Boyfriends if you'd like to label it as so. I thought we were together, and as far as I'm concerned as long as you're okay with it then so am I.

I'm in love with you,

Haz xx


	31. Letter 31

Dearest Haz,

 

Well then, if I'm an idiot, I'm your idiot. I guess it was a good thing that Ed destroyed them, they sounded a bit more desperate than me last letter that I wrote. Life without you would be dull. This is definitely the most excitement that I've had in a long time, that's for sure. I wouldn't change it though. It's so funny how people meet and fall in love. People fall in love in mysterious ways, that's for sure. Who would have thought that a project that I was assigned to write over a criminal would have left me feeling breathless and weightless. Not me, that's for sure. Just know that I'm safe and healthy, and that's thanks to you and your mates. I take offense to that, who said I would do something stupid? I have amazing ideas, or haven't you noticed? Glad I could be help doing absolutely nothing.

 

Then it's final, I'll go back to lilac. :)

 

No, The Harry Styles isn't supposed to be cute, is he? He's supposed to be ruthless and tough. Sexy and mysterious, but oh so dangerous. Good thing I know Harry Styles, the sweet marshmallowy boyfriend. The cute one that worries about the ones he loves. ;) Not to say you're not dangerous, I've just seen who you are under the surface. Your mother is right, you could probably have the whole world wrapped around your pinky.

 

My fantasies go a little further than kissing, but yes kissing you would be so nice. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Zayn is very perceptive by the way, I'm sure you're already aware of that. He can read me like an open book. When he comes to check up on me and do a walkthrough of the flat, we chat for a bit. He's trying to convince me that Louis isn't so scary, but it's going to take some time. I know he wouldn't do anything to me just because of your influence, but still doesn't make him any less scary.

 

No, I probably couldn't beat anybody down, but I would still try for you. Love and adrenaline are some pretty powerful stuff. It might bring out me inner Muhammad Ali if I saw anyone trying to hurt you. I would definitely kiss every one of your wounds, probably long after they've healed. As long as you're okay now, though. But I have to tell ya, things like "Wicked scar" and "10 stitches" don't do much to calm me nerves. Makes me more anxious to see you, check every part of you to make sure you're really okay.

 

I'm so glad they found a way to make it work, gives me hope for us, ya know? Your point should never be "obliterated". I value your opinion, even when it is embarrassing for me. Ed can't protect me from everything, love. You're such a goober, even though I know you said you were joking, still made me laugh.

 

I'm glad you had some people taking care of you and still do it sounds like. I'm assuming you have a good lawyer with the type of work you do? Do they know what it is you do? Or are they left blissfully ignorant? As cliché as it sounds, I would wait forever for you.

 

Deserving someone is one of those phrases that I'm not too sure I'm fond of. Everyone has done things they aren't proud of. Or things they are proud of, but others don't see as accomplishments because it's not something to be praised in their minds. It's also an opinion, in my opinion, I don't deserve someone as amazing as you. So it's not really about deserving. Although, there are some special cases. But, love is supposed to be a selfless thing, that most of us feel we don't deserve. We're all a bit screwed up but that's what makes it so amazing, yeah? That we find another screwed up person that makes our lives so much better than we expected. So that's something I want you to get out of your mind. Don't you EVER feel like you don't deserve me. I love you and that's all that matters, yeah? But I agree with the holding and kissing and protecting thing, I would love for you to be out so we can do those things.

 

I can't wait to go on a vacation with you. I think it would be fun after being in jail for so long. I can say that you do deserve a break. This is an instance where I like the word a little better.

 

Now look here, you're giving me more fantasies than me brain can handle without you being here to see them to fruition. I shouldn't have to be tortured like this. I would really love a cuddle with you in bed. I'm also looking forward to that shower with you. I'm glad you're not opposed to my fantasies. The weather is not why it was hot... just saying. I don't count you showering in a community shower... Er... Remind me to thank Louis for that soap on a rope... Anyway, I used to shower with a bunch of guys, I was on the footie team in high school. So no, it doesn't count. As long as they didn't get to touch you. See the way your skin rises with goosebumps, despite the warm water, as they wash you gently. Or listen as your breaths get heavier as they wash the more intimate parts of your body. Or watch as your eyes slip shut with pleasure as they trace your tattoos with their fingertips. Or get to leave kisses across your collar bones as your toned body has streams of water running down it. As long as they haven't tasted your lips with their tongues, finding out how sweet you taste, then I'd say we're good.

 

Sorry, got a little lost in me thoughts again.

 

I can be feisty, short tempered, remember? I like the soft side of you, but I also like the dominating or "scary" part of you. :) I'll take them both. :)

 

No, Grimmy would never hurt me, don't worry that pretty little head of yours. He's in pretty good shape, nice lean muscle and everything, but no, he's not the violent type... Unless you're a spider, then you're done for, but that's a different story. Well thank you, I probably should exercise though, if nothing else then for me health. Maybe not to bulk up, but so I'll live longer or summat. I haven't seen your muscles, but I'm sure they're impressive. I wouldn't mind getting to know them, though. I'm sure you're the scariest of them all, baby. I'll let you protect me if it makes you feel better. I usually don't let that happen, so you should feel special.

 

We'll just agree to disagree. I think you're the most beautiful, but you'll just combat me on that. Stubborn boy. : P He does have it pretty bad. Thinking he's smaller than he is and everything. Maybe he won’t squish you like he does me. I'm sure he'll love you when he meets you.

 

I might let you hear me sing one of these days, but I want to hear you sing as well. What's on top of that priority list of yours, hmm? I do want to hear you laugh, my laugh is pretty loud, just a fair warning. I'm holding you to that promise of cooking for me when you're out of prison. Yes, I'm more than willing to put in the time it takes to make this work. I want to know everything! Winky faces, huh? Getting cheeky on me, Hazza.

 

Me? Do something stupid? Psh.... *cough* I don't know what you're talking about.

 

At this point, I really don't know what I need or should write about on me project. I just don't know what to do. I've also been thinking about changing my major. Journalism can be fun and informative and all, but it's also really dangerous. I've told you before that it would be hard for me to date someone while I'm in it. There's always going to be a target on my head because I may have found out the truth about somebody that they didn't want everyone to know. May catch someone dangerous in the act of doing something illegal. The list is endless. I love you and if we're going to be together, I don't want that to come between us. I'll be fine as long as I get to write. Maybe I'll write a novel or summat. I could even teach. I could do a few different things with an English degree. I don't want to put you in any more danger than you already are and have someone digging something up on me and find you and your business there. I'm just protecting you the best way I know I can.

 

I am definitely yours, Haz. I love you. I like the sound of that, boyfriends. I thought we were together too, but I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. Can't wait to hear from you again, love.

 

I love you,

Your boyfriend xxx


	32. Letter 32

Sunshine,

You are an idiot, but yes, you are  _my_  idiot. I'm not too keen on sharing, never have been really. I bet those little desperate letters were adorable, I would have loved to read them. Although, I am thankful Ed could get rid of them and keep you safe.

Excitement is probably the best way to describe it yes, although a dull life sometimes beats the life I live. It isn't always the best, as you probably know based off of that month we had no contact. It may happen more often than either of us would like, but it's a part of my life, something unavoidable with the things we do.

It's interesting, the whole falling in love thing. You never expect it to happen, it kind of hits you like a train, but at the same time it's slow. It's weird, butterflies in your stomach and then it kind of just hits you, and you're in love. Or maybe that's just the way things happened for me. I'm sure everyone is different. Who would have thought that some persistent little Irishman writing for a project would manage to break down all these walls and steal my heart? That sounded sappy, what have you done to me?

You have no idea how much that means to me, that you're safe and healthy. You've kind of invaded my mind, taken residence there.

You had the amazing idea to write to me, so I suppose that yes you do have amazing ideas on occasion.

I think you look adorable in lilac.

No, he is not supposed to be cute. I am not cute. You do happen to know the marshmallow Harry, but you shouldn't go spreading that information, it would be bad for my image. Not many know beneath the surface, and even less even try to see it.

Oh, do they? Kissing you is something I image sometimes, if I'm being honest. I'm quite aware of Zayn's perceptiveness, one of the many reasons he was sent to watch over you, why he was the one to make sure everything was okay before you could come back. Louis is about as terrifying as a teddy bear, but he hates when we say that. He looks scary, but he wouldn't hurt you. That I'm certain of.

They are pretty powerful, as I'm sure you are too. I don't doubt it, but we can stick to me protecting you. I like to know you're not getting hurt, no matter how sappy that makes me.

I have no complaints to you kissing my wounds, or me in general. Don't worry my beautiful little boyfriend, I'm okay. But if you want to check every part of me go ahead, if it calms you.

It does show that a relationship can withstand my career choice, and I'm glad you have hope for us. I value your opinion too, and I'm very happy to read that you do value my opinion. It means quite a bit. Ed should be able to protect you from everything when I'm not there. I'm glad I could make you laugh, I crave to hear your laugh.

I do have a good lawyer, and yes he does know what I do. He's a family friend, our family's lawyer. He's the best of the best, and as long as they have nothing else against me but rumors and speculation then I should be okay. The only thing is I have no idea if they have that evidence against me or not. It does sound cliché, and I could never ask that of you because you deserve so much better whether you believe so or not, but I can't help but feel happy that you'd wait that long for me. I'd fight forever just to be with you. I know you're not fond of the phrase deserving someone, and I can see why but you truly deserve the world on a silver platter and someone that can give that to you. I don't know if I can, but I'll sure as hell try. No offense, but your opinion is wrong. Ask anyone, they'd tell you I'm not worthy of you and not the other way around. You're an angel, Sunshine, and I'm a sinner. It is a selfless thing, I'm not implying that you need to earn someone's love. I mean it completely in a selfless way, that you deserve more than I can give you- you deserve someone that can give you a stable life, someone that can love you each and every day, someone that doesn't put you in danger because of association, and someone that you don't have to worry will not be there when you wake up one morning. I'm selfish though, I can't let you go, not when you'll still have me. I love you, and that won't change. I'll kiss you until you tell me to stop, I'll protect you until you shoo me away.

Just a little bit longer until we can, hopefully. If everything goes okay.

I'd love to hear each and every one of those fantasies, I would see them to fruition if I could baby. It's a lovely kind of pain though isn't it? I didn't truly think the weather had anything to do with how hot it was while you were writing. I didn't count them either, so it's good that you agree, although I can't say I'm very happy that others have seen you naked but I know it's not something you could have prevented. I thank Lou for that soap on a rope all the time, believe me, but you're more than welcome to thank him too.

Erm that escalated quite quickly. Holy hell, you're going to be the death of me. Baby, that's so fucking hot. No, no one has done any of that. I'd be more than happy with helping you with that fantasy. I've got a bit of a problem at the mo, I understand what you mean by torture. I've got your image in my head, it's always there.

Please, tell me more of these- sinful- thoughts.

Thank you for taking me as I am, both sides of me, all of me.

Let me guess, he's your spider killer? I'd like you to live long yes. We can go together if I get out of here. I'll show you my muscles, just how strong I am if you'd like- if that's what you really want. I am, I'm pretty terrifying, more so than Louis. I'd protect you if you'd let me or not, sorry Sunshine. I do feel extremely special, I've got you haven't I?

I'm excited to meet Thor at some point, hopefully he likes me, and maybe he'll be like you and see the other side of me. He probably wouldn't squish me as much as he does you, but if he's that big and thinks he's a lap dog then he just might.

We can perform a duet then, best of both worlds. The top of my priority list was making sure you were mine, and now that I have that covered it's to make sure I keep you, to get out to make sure I can love you properly. Now that I think about it, that shower that you described is very,  _very,_  high up there.

Of course you have no idea what I'm talking about, Niall James Horan doesn't even know the word stupid. Right. I'm being playful, what have you done to me?

Whatever you decide love, I'll support you. I'll always protect you, just know that. I won't let anyone hurt you, whether they have beef with you or with me. You know some things about me, Ni, like the things the media has said, speculation. I think you'd be a lovely novelist. You'll have lots of ideas I'm sure from experience, you could even write about us. You don't have to divulge in the information that it's a true story. You'd be a nice teacher too, although I think dating me might hinder you. You shouldn't worry about protecting me, I have a lot of things in place to make sure my business and I are okay, and even more specifically you.

I love you too boyfriend. I like that, maybe we could even get you a tattoo that says 'Property of: Harry Styles' the guy with the old man name. ;)

Stay safe Sunshine,

Your boyfriend Haz xxxx


	33. Letter 33

Hazza,

 

Don't like sharing? Possessive much? That's alright, it's kinda hot actually. Hot as fuck, really... anyway. I don't plan on giving any of meself to anyone but you. I'd rather you not do that either. I'm a bit selfish. I'd like to keep you to meself. I don't have a problem with you wanting to keep me to yourself; I only have a problem with control issues. There's a difference between you trying to keep me safe and telling me when and where to do things. So I appreciate that you're only possessive. Are you the jealous type, then?

 

If you consider desperate and clingy adorable, then sure. They were adorable. Ed did a wonderful job of keeping me safe, he's a good bloke. He's a pretty chill guy to be around. Even though I was mopey and just ready to hear from you, I always felt calm. Well, until I started thinking the worst things had happened to you. He always seemed to know what to say to make sure I knew you were okay.

 

I've had me fill of dull. Don't get me wrong, I love me mates, but when you're stuck in the same routine for years it does have a way of getting boring real quick. I go to school, then work, then home over and over again. It drives me mad some days. I'm sure I'll miss the dull days too after a while, but as long as we are together.... Wow, that does sound sappy doesn't it? I'll never make fun of a romance movie again. So, do you really think we'll have to go without talking to one another again? I'm not too keen on that, but if it has to be done for your safety then I can deal with it.

 

Your way of describing falling in love is accurate. John Green put it this way, "As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once." I think I'd have to agree with both of you. I can't say that I'm sorry that I made you into a sap. I'm loving it. :) I also like taking up residence in your mind, but if it makes you feel any better, you've done the same.

 

On occasion? Excuse you, all my ideas are genius. Thank you. Just so you know, I have gone back to lilac. Ashton helped me do it yesterday, well really all of them did. Ash, Luke and Calum all came over yesterday. Grimmy was with his boyfriend. They hadn't seen each other for a month, Lord knows what they're doing to make up for lost time. Ash kept getting frustrated because he was trying to bleach me hair and the other two were just making me hair look crazy. He finally convinced them to go play with Thor while he finished. He didn't think it was funny, but I did.

 

I wouldn't spread that around. I wouldn't feel special anymore. But you are cute and sexy and a plethora of other adjectives. Besides I can imagine it wouldn't be good for your image. I imagine you would like to keep it that way, the scary image that you've worked hard to get. If they found out about you being all cute, I don't think you'd have a job much longer. And I wouldn't want to put you at any risk for more harm either. So yeah, I'll just keep that one to meself.

 

Oh sweet heart, you have no clue; but yes, me fantasies go way past kissing... ;) Makes me feel better knowing that you  _at least_ think about kissing me. I don't feel as bad for having the thoughts I do.

 

I'm sure Zayn is amazing at what he does. I can't imagine you'd put him out there if he wasn't. I'm no longer afraid of him, but he's been nothing but kind to me. Ed is the same way, even if we did have a bit of a rough beginning. We did spend a month together away though. I can finally see his cuteness.

 

Fine, you can be the protective one. We wouldn't last a minute if I were the one trying to keep us safe. You big softie.

 

I might be pretty shit at kissing, honestly. It's been a long time since I've kissed anyone. And I mean a long time, probably a decade. My first and last kiss I've had was with a girl that I knew from school that kissed me the summer before high school. Took me completely off guard. I haven't kissed anyone since then. I might just have to do a full body scan Mr. Styles. ;) And of course I have hope for us; If I didn't, I wouldn't have told you how I felt. I didn't say it would be easy, but I thought it could lead somewhere pretty amazing.

 

I'm telling you, it's loud, me laugh is. I've also been told it's obnoxious, but that was just Luke being pissy. Anyway, I'm sure your laugh is much sweeter sounding. I'm glad you're in good hands with your lawyer then. I've been digging and I really mean digging. Investigative journalism and all, and all I have come by are speculation and rumors. I don't think they have anything on you, but I'm also not them. They've been working against you guys for years. I've only been trying to find out details about you for about five months now. I've stopped, did a while ago. I just don't think they do. I hope I'm right, babe.

 

WHY DO YOU INSIST ON MAKING ME BLUSH?!?!?! Sorry, I got a bit carried away.

 

Oh, none taken.... (Note sarcasm). Baby, I don't need to ask anybody whether or not you deserve me. It's none of their damn business. I've told you before, I don't really care about what others think. Think about what your best mates would say. The people that really know you, would they tell you that you don't deserve love? That you don't deserve someone that wants to give you the world? I don't think they would do that, I certainly wouldn't. That's exactly what I want to give you, the world. I'm far from an angel, love. You call yourself a sinner, but isn't everyone? All of our sins are different, but it doesn't make me any less of one. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep you happy and healthy. That is what is going to make me happy. Ready for another John Green quote? Good! "You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world...but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices." I'm a bit of a fan, if you couldn't tell.

 

I don't think I could ever tell you to stop kissing me. ;) Goes against my nature. I definitely won’t "shoo" you away. Who "shoos" anyway? You old man. Aha.

 

You can't just say things like that!! You are making me have a problem by thinking of you having a problem, a vicious cycle it is, isn't it? The pain is almost anticipation for what is to come, hopefully. I'm not too excited about the fact that others have seen you naked either, lucky bastards. Um, I might just leave the thanking to you. Give him my sincerest gratitude and all that. He may not hurt me, but I'm with his best mate and that's one "if you hurt my best mate" speech that I'm quite sure I can go without hearing. Don't die on me, besides, we wouldn't get to live out any of me fantasies if you did that. And good, no one is allowed to touch you either. I'll send Zayn after them.

 

You know what else is a torture? Imagining you working out. God, it's so hot. I bet your arms are just so strong and big. I can just see it. I'm starting to get another problem going here. Thinking about you coming back from the gym all hot and sweaty, no shirt on. Picking me up and pinning me against a wall and snogging me so hard that I forget anyone's name but yours. You would probably have to put your hands on me bum so I wouldn't slip. Sure, I'd have me legs wrapped around you, but it would be hard to keep them there with you kissing me, making me lose all sorts of coherent thoughts.

 

Oh wouldn't you like to know? I have so many, wanna hear another one? Well alright, since you asked so nicely.

 

I imagined us cuddled up in bed, the one from your beach house, me waking you up with kisses. Just little pecks starting on your lips, but when you don't wake up, I have to keep going. Leaving little kisses down the cut of your jaw line. Maybe scraping my teeth against your earlobe. Working a path down to your neck, leaving love bites as I go; soothing them with my tongue if I've gone too rough. You still don't move, so I keep going. I'd leave kisses down your bare chest. Tracing your tattoos with me tongue, sucking on your skin a bit, just slowly making me way down. Your skin is so sweet. You still refuse to wake up yet. So I'm going to have to keep going. I'd start leaving bites on your hip bones and around your belly button, scraping me teeth down to your boxers. Leaving love bites along the top of them, hearing your breath hitch as I suck on the sensitive part of your tummy. This is where you begin to stir in your sleep. You finally open those pretty green eyes at me, breath coming out quicker, just as I start to pull them down. Guess I should stop there huh? ;) Hope I didn't give you a problem to fix.

 

Always, love. I couldn't truly be in love with you if I didn't take all sides of you, could I?

 

Hell yeah he's me spider killer. I don't touch those little demons with ten foot polls. Maybe a blow torch, that might do the trick, but I'd end up burning me flat down.

 

Going to the gym with you? Oh man, wouldn't that be a distraction? You could be me sexy personal trainer. Now there's another fantasy ;) It's probably a good idea, despite the distraction. Please do, I'd love to see how strong you are. Man it's getting hot in here again. You don't seem very sorry, you cheeky thing. Again with the blushing, I'm a grown man damn it.

 

He's a sweet dog, unless you try to hurt me. I don't think we'll have that problem though. He'll love you, because he'll know that you're a good person. A duet could be fun, I imagine you have a deeper voice, yeah?

 

 

Don't doubt yourself, I don't need the world, just you because, that's my world. Shower should probably be on your top priorities, I can smell you from here. ;) I'm kidding. I'm sure you smell lovely. What have I done to you? Nothing yet, baby ;).

 

Haz, I'm not worried about anyone hurting me. I'm only worried about you, my mates, and your mates. I'll be fine.

 

I would love to write about us one day, maybe leave a few things out, yeah? I think it would be a nice story though. That could be pretty beneficial too, I could work from home if I were a novelist. But as a teacher, I could teach the newer journalist about respect. Not to make things up just because they think it sounds more interesting. Going after truth rather than the bullshit they put in magazine articles. I don't have to decide right this minute, but it's something I'll definitely be thinking about.

 

Erm... I love you and your tattoos, but I think those are your thing... aha... As much as I love the thought of having you on me body... I don't think ink is maybe the best choice... Interesting word choice too... Property huh? Do I need to go buy a dog tag and some chains? ;) I love you, you silly man.

 

This will be me last letter to you before me presentation and your court date. I am honestly really scared, but I'm also anxious to see how this is going to turn out. I'm still not done with the research paper. It won't take me long to write it... I just need to decide how I'm going to go about it. I want to see you a free man, but I know that it's possible that it won't happen. Just know that I love you no matter what. No one could take your place. I love you, I hope I tell you that enough.

 

Please, please don't worry about me, love. Please be safe, I worry about you too, ya know?

 

I love you,

Your sunshine xxx


	34. Letter 34

Ni,

I hope I don't come off as overly possessive, that's not my intention. I just don't want anyone to think they can steal you away from me. But, as long as you find it hot, then maybe I am possessive. If I'm being honest, no one can even draw my eye, so there should be nothing for your pretty little head to worry over. I'm not controlling, at least I don't think I am, and no one has ever told me that they think I am either. I'm just keeping you safe, and if I ever cross that line into controlling, let me know. Tell me I need a reality check, although I hope you never have to do so. I suppose you could say I'm the jealous type.

Of course I think everything and anything you do is adorable, so I'm sure those letters were. Ed is a wonderful bloke, someone I trust a lot, otherwise I wouldn't even let him near you. He has a way with words, a calming aura, and a lovely smile. It's one of the many reasons he was the one to take you up there.

I can understand where routine can be dull, in my hectic life routine is an escape, albeit a dangerous one. Hopefully I can continue to bring a little spontaneity and adventure to your life, while I still make sure you're safe of course. I think we've become a romance movie, so it would be a little hypocritical to make fun of them.

I don't believe we'll go without talking to each other again, hopefully we won't. I'll go with you if you need to be put somewhere safe, if I have the ability to, if I get out. I'm not too keen on it either love, but sometimes we have to make the hard decisions.

John Green is the guy with that stars book yeah? It's a pretty good quote, it's true. I can't say I'm not happy about you making me into a sap, although I'm sure that if the lads find out they'll give me so much shit for it. Let's not divulge them in that information yeah? Your residency is permanent, rent free. I can only hope mine is the same, although it does make me happy to learn I at least have a residency.

Sorry babe, but you know that some of your ideas aren't the smartest. Exhibit A: writing to me. You could have gotten hurt or killed, you didn't thank god, but you could have. I try to stray from the 'what ifs' and the 'what could have been' but it is difficult when all I can think of is you getting hurt or never speaking to me and falling for me.

I love your stories of you and your mates, I love learning things about you and your mates. Maybe one day I can meet them without them hating me and thinking that I'll murder you and hide you in my basement. It's a total cliché, we don't hide the bodies in the basement. I can't wait to see your beautiful lilac hair again, and I couldn't help but laugh at your story. I would have probably given you a lilac Mohawk if I was helping, but you would have looked adorably punk, and then I probably would kiss your pout away.

You're incredibly special regardless of the information everyone has, but I like that you feel special. I'd probably still have a job, just many fighting me for it, many using you against me. If anything, I'd lose my life before my job, I'd lose my life before I lost you. I'd lose my life protecting you if that's what it took to keep you safe.

Baby, I think of much more than just snogging you, believe me.

The people close to me all are much like me: soft in a hard shell. I'm very delighted to hear that you can see that, even if it's just a few of them that you see that way. It means a lot, you getting on with my mates.

I'm sure we would be just fine if it came down to it, but I'm glad you've labeled me as the protective one. That's just adorable.

I will be more than happy to teach you, even if it's just a bit of a refresher course. I just so happen to want to kiss you quite a bit, so it won't really be much of a problem. Of course you would be this adorable little Irish lad, with little kissing experience. Although I can't say I have much experience either, more than that, but not by much despite the rumors.

Nothing good is ever easy.

I'm sure it's a beautiful sound, no matter the volume. It's probably beautiful just like you- or fit if you'd prefer a manlier term.

I am in good hands, he's kept a lot of us out of serious trouble. They have speculation and rumors, there's always that whether you run an illegal business or not. They've been building a case for years, as far as I know it's not gotten farther than my name, but I can't be certain. There could be undercover workers, but I hope my security is tighter than that. I hope you're right babe.

My best mates would tell me you aren't deserving. That you don't deserve to be dragged into this mess we call life. That you deserved someone that won't potentially get you killed. They are quite fond of you after all. It would have nothing to do with the love we could give each other, rather the life we could give each other. They would probably smack me for saying I don't deserve you, but at the end of the day they would like to encourage me to let you know exactly what you're getting into with me. Fortunately I have, and you're still here despite all my warnings and prior threats. I don't need the world, I have you and you are my world now.

Everyone is a sinner, but I think I'm almost a king with what I've done. You are an angel, don't try to argue with me on that one. You're my angel, despite how girly and sappy that sounds it's the truth. John Green is a very wise man it seems. I've chosen to get my heart broken by you, Sunshine, I think you've done the same.

It is indeed a vicious cycle, I'm glad I have that effect on you however. Just a little longer baby, just a little longer. Hopefully. Wishful thinking can only get a person so far.

Baby, that speech will come one way or another, best just face your fears and talk to him. He's a teddy bear, a marshmallow, and you both have boyfriends that wouldn't let either of you get hurt. I'd fight death for those fantasies, as long as you can hold off for just a bit longer.

You write that like you're talking about the damn weather. Fucking hell baby. If I don't get released I'd break out just for those sinful fantasies of yours. You know damn well that I've got a problem now, and a few visuals that will last me until my court date at least. You're so hot, bloody fit.

I'll be your new spider killer if I get out, so we won't have to worry about you burning your flat down.

I'd love to go to the gym with you, it'd be motivation. Even better yet, I know a better way to tone up that doesn't require clothes or leaving the bedroom. ;) Too cheeky? I'm sure I'm strong enough to play out one of your fantasies about pinning you to a wall.

I'd never hurt you, so I'd imagine Thor wouldn't ever have to hate me. A duet will be fun, yes, I have a deep voice.

I think that shower should be on the top of my priorities for a different reason love, wouldn't you? I mean, you would have to join me right? Save water, shower with a friend. That's what they say anyways, or we could skip the shower completely.

I would support you in anything and everything you do, even if its spill everything you know about me- which I know you wouldn't. I think I'd like you home, but I want you happy and that's all that matters to me.

Property probably wasn't the most appropriate word, because you aren't my property. I just meant that everyone will know that you're mine, as I am yours. Your heart anyways, and they can't take that from me, can't take you from me. As for the chains, I never pegged you as the kinky type babe.

Best of luck with your presentation, this will be my last letter before that day too. You'll ace it even if you pulled it out of your arse. I love you my sweet Sunshine. You tell that to me more than enough, don't worry. Everything will work out as it should.

I can't help worrying about you, you're constantly on my mind. Don't worry about me then. I love you to the moon and back and back again.

I love you too,

Haz xxxx


	35. The end

Niall sighs nervously as he prepares for his presentation. Internally freaking out because why didn't he choose another criminal?! It's too late to change it now. He could bullshit his way through the whole presentation; Say he picked Al Capone or summat. Honestly, he didn't know much about the man, but maybe he could slip by without failing. He's done really well in the class thus far. Maybe he can fake being ill well enough to come back to it on Thursday with a whole new paper. He bites his nails down to almost nothing watching the clock as the girl up front wraps up her presentation. Fuck. He's so not ready for this. He's already worried about Harry and his trial. Trying to remind himself that his boyfriend has it worse than he does at the mo. That just adds to his anxiety. He starts to panic, gathering up his papers trying to shove them into his backpack. If he can just sneak out the back door and come up with an excuse for it later... It's too late, the girl has just finished, if the light applause is anything to go by. His professor looks down at his clipboard skimming over the names written on the predetermined schedule. Niall knows he's next and he can feel himself sweating in places he never thought possible. He's impossibly hot, his knit jumper just makes it worse. He takes a deep breath, resigning himself to his fate. Guess it's now or never.

 

"Let's see." The balding man taps his pen against his closed mouth, trying to find the place he lost on the paper. "Ah, yes! Mr. Horan, yours in particular I was most interested in. Come on then, feed our curious minds would you?"

 

Niall stands up shakily, taking a few breaths before heading to the front of the room. He faces the professor first, thinking about telling him he's changed his mind, but when the older man gives him a nod of encouragement, he knows there's no turning back. He turns again to face his audience. He takes one last deep breath before he starts.

 

"I-I chose to do me research on Harry Styles." He closes his eyes as he says his name, almost a whisper. The audible gasp from the rest of the room tells him he said it loud enough.

*****************************************************************************

"Come on Styles, up ya get. We ain't got all day waiting around for the likes of you." The heavy set officer unlocks Harry's cell as his loud voice echoes through the empty hall. During the month that he didn't contact Niall, they had placed Harry in a cell away from the other inmates. It was considered a safety hazard for not just Harry, but mostly for those who crossed him. He was a high class criminal in a lower class prison. If things didn't go well today, they would send him to the other side of London to a more secure facility.

 

The officer roughly pulls him up by his arm, which earned him a deathly warning glare from Harry. This is the side of himself that he didn't want Niall to see. The ugly side that knows how to strike fear into people with just a glance, a side that knows how to break people without any physical contact. He can't be his "sweet" self all the time, he'll save that for his boyfriend. He relishes in the fact that Niall says he loves both sides of Harry. That he knows that scary part keeps him safe and that's all he wants. He wants the same for Niall and if he can get out of this god forsaken place today, he'll make sure Niall is always protected. Even if it means his life.

 

The officer restrains Harry's hands with the standard cuffs, putting them a little tighter than usual. Little shit. Not like he's going anywhere anyway. He then bends down to put the cuffs around his ankles as well. So if he did try to run away, he would look like some kind of spastic penguin. He's smarter than that. He wants to get through this trial as smoothly as possible.

 

"Alright, get to movin'." The officer gives his shoulder a shove with a challenging smirk. Harry ignores it for now, making a mental note of his face and name. Arsehole.

 

The walk to the courtroom seems like it takes forever. He has a guard on either side of him, two behind, and two in front. He smirks, feeling a bit smug that he's considered dangerous enough for six guards. That smirk slips from his face though as the doors to the courtroom seem to be getting closer. He knows there's a possibility that he won't get out today. That they could have done some digging and found more than they need to put him away for life. He hopes that's not the case. He hopes he can go home, then to see Niall. To touch him, hold him close, kiss him. Just anything.

 

Before he realizes it, he's sat behind a desk with his lawyer to his right; his handcuffs still very present on his hands and ankles. They all are ordered to stand as the judge enters the room. He takes one glance at Harry and grins a bit too mischievously for Harry's liking.

 

"Mr. Styles." Judge Howard gives him a nod of acknowledgment.

 

"Your honor." Harry nods back to him, smiling slightly accompanied with the fake politeness in his voice. If the judge notices, he chooses to ignore it.

 

"Well, let's get started. Shall we?"

*******************************************************************************

There are so many whispers going on around the room that seem to crescendo into a loud mass of noise. Not one conversation distinguishable from another. Niall is quickly losing his courage. He turns to face his professor but he's already out of his desk chair, clearing his throat loudly. Everyone stops then, giving their full attention back to Niall. The professor bows his head a little, extending his arm as an invitation to proceed.

 

"As I was saying, I chose Harry Styles as the focus of my paper. There are hundreds of pages and articles on Google to be found about him. Loads of newspaper and magazine articles, most of them are speculation of his whereabouts, what kind of business he does. Some of them are groups of people dedicated to him, based purely on looks, call themselves the Stylers. They can tell you in public records when he was born, what hospital, who his parents are, how many times he's been arrested and all sorts of just... Facts. But that's all they'll ever be are facts. The articles will tell you things that he's never actually done, they'll make up their own rumors stating them as facts. The twisted part is, is that they'll use those "facts" in a court room to prosecute him. They'll use the excuse that the papers and articles say that it's from a "reliable source". Say that his "closest friends" were the ones to divulge that information. What they won't tell you is who he really is and what makes him that way."

*******************************************************************************

"Mr. Styles, are you aware of the accusations and charges against you?" It really should be a rhetorical question. Harry wants to roll his eyes at the ridiculousness of it all, but law is law and they have to tell him. It's his right as a citizen.

 

"Yes sir." His tone polite, but guarded.

 

"By law, I am required to state the charges. You are charged with one count of grand theft auto. We have noted that you have claimed to the arresting officer that you had permission to be driving said car from your friend. Is that correct?"

 

"Yes sir, my mate Liam Payne. He came down to the court offices a few months ago to set the record straight. You should have it on file." He keeps his cool the best he can, but is not loving the look on the judge's face.

 

"Yes, I believe we do. But while I have you here, there are some other accusations going around. I heard about your little tussle a few weeks ago. I would like to know why you're causing unnecessary disturbances in my jailhouse. I don't know if that's how you run your business, whatever that may be. He pauses to give Harry a very loaded stare. "But I can assure you that's not how I run mine. You're awfully young to be doing some of the things that you've been accused of. Its one thing to steal a car or borrow it from a friend, especially if it's an everyday, run of the mill car, but the car you borrowed was not. Humor me, because I'm a bit of a car enthusiast, how is it that a 24 year old man has the means to pay for a Lamborghini Veneno Roadster? Did you know those are the most expensive cars in the world? Whatever it is you and your friend do to afford these, I suggest you stop, it won't end well. There are a ton of people that would love to be in my position right now; to be given the power to decide your fate for the next few decades or so. I try my best to run a fair trial so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Your friend, Mr. Payne did come by. Had a nice chat with him. The grand theft auto charges have been cleared."

 

Harry tries not to smile at that. He'll have to ask Payno what they talked about next time he sees him, which he hopes will be soon.

 

"That doesn't mean you've been cleared from your other transgressions, don't celebrate so soon."

 

Harry's face slips into the stony expression he's come to master in the past several years. He's frantic in his mind, surely they haven't come across the well-hidden traces. So many thoughts are running through his mind, first and foremost is Niall the next are his family and mates. There are so many paths that lead to nothing. Cold leads are all they should be. Being in this situation though, his mind is coming up with worst case scenarios. It's not just himself he has to worry about. He has loads of people working for him, his family that's in the business, generations of clients, and his mates being found out. It's a heavy burden, but it's one he carries with pride to be able to protect his loved ones. He hopes he doesn't fail them today. The eager smile on the judge’s face comes back. Shit, this can't be good.

*******************************************************************************

"They won't tell you that maybe he's a man that loves his family and friends. That he has people that are loyal to him. People that love and care for him. That he's a person with a beating heart and flesh and blood flowing through his veins. They won't tell you what his favorite pass time is. What his favorite movie is. They leave a label on him like he doesn't have feelings. Like he doesn't bleed when he gets cut or cries when he's scared or mourning. They give you this washed out picture of a criminal. They don't even call him what he is, a man. A man that is respected by many people, who has a work ethic like any successful person in their own field. They label him as taboo. That it's a dangerous thing to be around him. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I could stand up here and read you speculation on his dealings. We wouldn't be any closer to the truth of who HE is though. You would look at him in disgust or pity or maybe even lust." He looks around the room. Mixed emotions are written in his classmates faces. Some a bit confused, others curiosity is spiked, others bored, some even have looks of anger.

 

"No offense, but this sounds like its utter bullshit. Our assignment was to do an investigative research paper on a criminal. What their crimes are, private information and you're making out to sound like he's just a normal lad. Do you honestly believe that this "man" is a good person?" The girl scoffs, raising her eyebrows expectantly at Niall.

 

"Part of investigating is looking beyond what's written. Its motive and ideals and personality that all add up to the person being investigated. You can't just take what's written for truth. I could sit down and write an argumentative thesis on why the sky is red instead of blue and if it looks good on paper, you would believe it. Why? Because there's no further reason to investigate if it all makes sense, right? You know for a fact that it's blue, because you've seen it with your own eyes. It doesn't take much investigating to know it's blue. All you have to do is look up. It's the same concept, seeing, hearing and knowing true facts. Whether or not I believe he's a good person, it doesn't make him any less of a person. Niall gives the girl the same look she gave him just moments ago.

 

She huffs out what sounds like a profanity under her breath, muttering incoherently to herself. "I just don't understand the point you're trying to get at." She crosses her arms over her chest, looking away from his intense gaze.

 

"The point is, whether or not he's labeled a criminal, there's more to people than meets the eye. Don't miss out on an opportunity for something new and what could be amazing because of ignorance. You can't judge someone based on what you've heard or read. You don't know their story. He's a person, who has made mistakes, but so have I. All of us have-"

 

"Niall." His professor looks up at him, brows furrowed. "Did you actually get to talk with Harry Styles or is all this based on your own opinion?"

 

Niall feels like he's been hit by a train. He's trying not to show how much he's freaking out on the inside, but he's not sure if he's doing a very good job. There is a lot riding on this. If people get too suspicious, they'll want to get closer and feed their own curiosity.

*******************************************************************************

"What other accusations do you have against me, your honor?" He keeps his face neutral, feigning nonchalance perfectly.

 

"We have reason to believe that you have been involved with Neil Forman, he's been arrested for some time now. Although, I'm sure you know all about that. We have reason to believe that you and your friends have been running his drugs for him, imports and exports from here to America, Ireland, Spain, Russia and Hong Kong. Is that true? If you plead guilty, I can cut you a good deal with imprisonment and community service. You could be out in 5 to 10 years, with a few more years of community service. As opposed to spending 25 to 30 years behind bars in a maximum security prison."

 

"Your honor, I won't take the fall for his dealings. I have never been in contact or met Mr. Forman. Drugs aren't my thing, sir" Harry scrunched his nose in disgust. He's certainly heard of Forman, but he's nowhere near on the same level as himself. Forman and his drugs are child's play. Sure it makes decent money, but nothing compared to what he does. Besides from what he's been told, Foreman is sloppy and easily riled up. Not a good combination. Harry only works with the best. The judge sounds like he's reaching. Desperate to put him back in prison, unfortunately he has that power.

 

The judge levels him with a look. Trying to read past the stony expression. He runs his hands down his face, exasperated.

 

"We're taking a five minute recess, when we come back I'll give you the verdict. You may want to take a chance to get your story together Mr. Styles." The judge steps down from his seat, going out the way he came in.

 

Harry looks to his lawyer, an eye brow raised in question.

 

"I don't know where they're getting their information from, Harry. It might be Forman himself as some kind of bargain plea. But if they decide to take him at his word, you could be in here for a while." Harry nods, teeth gritting against each other. He just hopes for his and Niall's sake, that won't be the case.

*******************************************************************************

"Mr. Horan? Have you or have you not actually talked to Harry Styles?" His professor seems to be losing his patience, right eye twitching with annoyance.

 

"I-I...um. I went to the prison to talk to him, because he wouldn't answer me letters. He got mad at me and refused to talk about himself." Niall sighs out. It's not a complete lie that did happen. He just doesn't want people prying where they shouldn't. Those letters are precious to him now. No one needs to know Harry unless he wants them to. It took him a while but they fell in love, it just kind of happened. Besides, he doesn't want anything in those letters to put him at risk with the personal information that they hold.

 

He just wanted to get his point across that people are people. They aren't labels or things that you can exploit. They have feelings and fears and insecurities and families and friends that love them. Significant others that would do anything for them. They're capable of loving and being loved. They have hobbies and jobs. They're hard workers and dreamers. He hopes he got something across to them. The unknown can be scary but it doesn't mean it's bad. He took a chance and ended up falling in love. Niall got lost in his thoughts, looking around he notices the class has gone. He must have been the last presentation.

 

"Mr. Horan, I'm afraid that's not acceptable. I'm going to have to give you a "D" for the assignment. You did attempt, I'll give you that. What you did was dangerous and took some guts. Fortunately, I have a say in how much this affects your grade. You have been a great student this year, so I'll only weigh it like a homework assignment. Should still give you your "A". Maybe you should look into another field of study, yeah?" His professor smiles at him, giving his shoulder a squeeze. Niall nods at him politely, trying to hold down the bile that's threatening to come up. He goes to pack up the rest of his things, zipping his backpack up and slinging it onto his back.

 

"Oh and Horan, do be careful, yeah? If you play with fire, you're going to get burnt." The professor nods at him before stepping out of the class.

 

Niall just stares long after his professor has left. He's sure he's heard that somewhere before.

*******************************************************************************

The five minute recess seems to take forever. Harry bounces his knee rapidly, thinking about the possible outcome. He wants to write Niall so badly, his fingers itch for his pen. He holds his breath as the judge comes to stand at his post. He sits almost torturously slow.

 

"Have you decided if you're going to plead guilty, Mr. Styles?" The judge prods him one more time. His lawyer stands up then, taking the reins.

 

"Not guilty of the accused charges, sir."

 

"I see, I'm sorry to hear that. Harry Edward Styles, the court and all its proceedings here by find you-"

 

_The End._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a second book in the series, check it out soon if you want to read more.


End file.
